One question that keeps coming up in marriages is how responsibilities towards parents should be shared.
A mother in-law some weeks ago asked this question: ‘Is it right for my son to send me money while his wife sends her parents money? None of them send money to their in-laws as each takes responsibility for their respective families. Is this arrangement proper? Is this what marriage has turned into these days?’
Muna Tochukwu, a 35-year-old lawyer, thinks it is each child’s responsibility to take care of their parents. “This sweet mother in-law here feels both husband and wife should be supporting their parents where necessary without saying husband to his family and wife to hers. My husband does most of the giving to both families; we normally discuss and handle our parents as we feel best for them or according to their demand,” Tochukwu reasoned.
“If I get what the mother in-law is talking about, I guess what she wants is for the couple to jointly send money to both parents and live like an ideal family. If that is what she is saying, I agree with her. Marriage should be all about trust and taking responsibility and not doing things separately or secretly,” she added.
Remi Adeyemi, a 35-year-old teacher, argues that every parent should have a back-up plan. “Yes, it is each child’s responsibility to care for their parents, while the child is still alive. Even at that, don’t expect your child to be your pension package. Have your own money and for those of you who have children for the sole purpose of using them as a pension plan, make sure you don’t do a bicycle investment while expecting a Bentley turnover. You wouldn’t want to end up whining in your old age that money isn’t sent to you by your child or his/her spouse.”
Doris Ani, a 40-year-old pharmacist, says: “My husband doesn’t give my parents money. He does it occasionally as a gift when he pays them a visit. Likewise, I don’t give his mom my money; I see no reason why I have to, after all her son gives her. The money he gives her is none of my business. It is not my responsibility to give my mother in-law money, as for clothes and food items, yes it is my responsibility. So, the question of who’s responsible for what, is already settled. He gives money, I give clothes and food.”
Rukaiya Musa, a 38-year-old nurse, looks at the issue from another angle. “As a married couple, doing things separately cannot be right. They must agree on how much to give each parent based on their needs. But I guess this couple does not do things together, especially when it concerns money, and this isn’t particular to them. Most couples are guilty of this,” she observed.
“In the case where the husband earns more, then his mother will get more than the wife’s mother. What happens if the wife’s mother has more needs than the husband’s mother? You can look at it from the other way too. And what happens if one of them is not working or loses his/her job? The bottom line is that there needs to be a working framework when it comes to financial issues and parents,” Musa added.
