‘”Tahir time?” I repeated ‘what does that mean?’
‘It means you will have to set up a specific time of the day, that is strictly for me. No phone calls, no texting, you will entirely be at my beck and call.’ He emphasized.
‘But I am at your beck and call now Tahir. What am I doing now apart from sitting with you, awaiting your every request?’ I asked.
‘No Bint, you have been sitting there for the last 30 minutes, doing nothing but answering calls and making text messages. Technically you are here but in reality you are not because your mind isn’t here as long as you continue to fiddle with that phone. So from now on you’ll put that phone off as soon as you put Little Bint to sleep.’ He insisted.
‘Haba Tahir, put my phone off at 9pm? The night is only beginning by then. Lots of people only get the chance to call others after dinner. Can you imagine how many calls I’ll miss if I start putting off my phone by 9 o’clock?’ I protested.
‘You’ll miss many at first but they’ll get used to it and will be calling you earlier.’ Tahir replied, adamantly.
‘But what’s all this fuss about? Surely you can’t be that disturbed by my phone calls. Why try to make mountains out of molehills?’ I pleaded.
‘Is that what you think? Well let me remind you that Islamically anytime after isha prayer is one of the private times for a couple. No one must see you without seeking permission. In this day and age that includes phoning. If I insist that you will not answer calls after 9pm, I am only adhering to this religious provision.’ He argued.
‘What if it’s up to a good cause? Both the phone call I received and the message I sent after sitting here were all in a good cause. I was trying to mediate in a case of marital dispute. I was not engaged in an idle chat or gossip-texting.’ I defended.
‘It’s still doesn’t alter the fact that some people cornered your attention when I needed it. And since you are always up to one good cause or another, allowing you to receive your good-cause calls will mean having to break this rule every night. No Madam goody-two-shoes, I know that everyone is entitled to your good consideration except me. So if I can’t get what I deserve I might as well impose my wish around here.’ Tahir declared, assertively.
‘But that’s not true Tahir and you know it. You are my number one and everyone else comes only after you. If my little attempt to save the marriage of two young people obviously in need of such help is what is troubling you, I will give up on it and forget about helping. Nothing is worth you getting all bossy and dictatorial.’ I answered.
‘Which young couple needs your help to save their marriage?’ He asked, suddenly.
‘Amirah, my friend Habiba’s daughter, who married our neighbour’s son, Saleh. Earlier, it was Habiba who called and complained that her daughter had returned home because her husband was inconsiderate and irresponsible and that if it wasn’t for the fact that Amira was pregnant they will have insisted that he divorce her. Knowing that it was I who recommended him when he went to seek her daughter’s hand in marriage, I knew she was telling me so that I could do something to intervene. I was just wondering how to go about it when I received a message from Saleh’s mother telling me that my friend’s daughter had turned out to be a disappointment. After just six months of marriage, she had packed out of the house because her husband had complained about the dirt in the house. This is in addition to the fact that she is so quarrelsome and rude. She never heeded her husband’s requests and always blamed her laziness on the fact that she was pregnant. Was she the first female to fall pregnant? This was the text message from my neighbor Hajiya Larai. I had to conclude, after reading it, that she also wants me to intervene. After all I led the delegation to the various formalities that took place before the wedding. Since I was caught in the middle, I had to tell each mother to send her child over to me tomorrow so that I can talk to them. What seems obvious to me is that neither mother is ready to hear her in-law’s version of the story. Each one believes her child’s story one hundred per cent and thinks the other spouse is the devil in disguise.’ I concluded.
‘Wow, you are really caught in the middle.’ Tahir responded, from where he lay on the settee. ‘But what if they are both as bad as they their mothers-in-law believe they are. Are you going to tell them to grin and bear it or to accept that they are incompatible and call it quits?’ He asked.
‘With a child on the way? No I won’t be an irresponsible mediator. My sole mission in this intervention is to reconcile them. The first thing I will do is to hear each spouse out. I will note their faults and insists that the offending partner must accept that he or she is at fault. For instance if Amira is truly careless about cleanliness then I have to warn her to be a clean wife because no man can tolerate a lazy and dirty wife. If she is being hindered by her pregnancy then they will have to arrange to get her someone to help her with the household chores while she minds herself and her unborn child. I don’t know whether she has a house help now but something has to be done to help her keep her surroundings clean. In the case of Saleh, if he is really inconsiderate and irresponsible, that probably means he is not sympathetic to her pregnant condition, or he is never there when she needs him, or he still hangs out with the boys till late night. Whatever his problem, I plan to tell him to accept that as a married man, the health and welfare of his wife is his responsibility so he must adjust his ways to fit. An expectant father should begin to practice how to care for his wife and child not to start dodging his responsibility or to continue hanging out with his bachelor friends, I will advise. But, above all, I will urge them not to be running home to their mothers with every little problem they have. Rather, they should learn to sit and discuss their problems and when they couldn’t solve them then invite elders to their home to listen to both sides of their stories and to mediate between them. I plan to tell them that if they value their union then they must stop rushing to their mothers with complaints. Their mothers are not the best arbiters, from what I’ve seen.’ I stated.
‘Well said Bint. I hope this solves their problem. As for ours, you will have to set out ‘Tahir time’ or we will soon be seeking our own mediators.’ He joked, returning my phone to me.
