What does Jose Mourinho, a football manager, have to do with child upbringing?
The former Chelsea manager is a master in using this switch to manipulate (or motivate?) his players into playing football the Mourinho way.
A classic example was when he was coaching Real Madrid and decided to bench the most influential player in Spain. I. Casillas was the Real Madrid super goalkeeper and captain, a role he also played for the Spanish national team where he was also the captain.
When Mourinho saw that his performance had dipped, he benched him and regularly featured another goalkeeper. The fans complained, the media were breathing down his neck, yet Mourinho was impervious to all that.
His message was: I know every player wants to play, but if I can bench Casillas for lack of performance at his turf with the entire nation disagreeing with me, then I can bench anyone! So give me what I want (good football) and I will give you what you want (playing time).
The same thing happened when he eventually moved to Manchester United. In the 2016/17 season, when Anthony Martial wasn’t playing according to the expected level of the manager, he wasn’t started in many matches and was completely left out in others.
However, during the next season when Martial became a supersub (Super Substitute), immediately making an impact when introduced into games including scoring and assisting other members of the team to score, Mourinho started featuring him more regularly.
This reminds me of my own experience when I was a consultant for a school where we were faced with a difficult situation.
A particular student, one of the best players, didn’t listen to anyone and wouldn’t do his assignments. His only passion was football.
As the hero of the games, everyone was afraid to punish him lest he got angry and deliberately refused to do well in the games.
We decided to adopt the Mourinho strategy (although I didn’t realize at the time that Mourinho used it).
I went to the coach and told him something similar to: “we can afford to lose a game or two, but we can’t afford to graduate a spoiled, entitled and disrespectful student from this institution. So, either your player behaves or he doesn’t play.”
Of course in the face of losing his place in the team, he behaved!
Teachers, usually the first implementers of appropriate punishment, also use this technique to regulate behavior in the classroom.
Usually, kids want to play outside the classroom during the break period. They cherish this freedom. And because of that, a teacher can withdraw that privilege if a student decides to misbehave.
How do you find the button?
With patience and observation, it would soon reveal itself.
I told you that Her Grace, my daughter, had unveiled her magic button. Now we know that she can do anything or stop anything (when told) for a scoop of ice-cream.
“If you stop that, Baba would buy you ice-cream later.”
She may show that she doesn’t care for the ice-cream, but you will see her moving away from what she was stopped from doing. And then comes back to ask you to go for the ice-cream.
This is what gives me the confidence that every child has that magic button. The trick is in finding it.
That’s why everyday, we give thanks to God for helping us find that of our son, who would do anything for the promise of watching TV.
When we discovered that his handwriting was so bad that the teachers couldn’t read what he was writing, I decided to teach him cursive myself.
But to give him daily practice, we told him to write a page of cursive before watching TV. Which he gladly does.
Now we’ve added to that schedule.
-He has to write a page of cursive
-And read a complete story without mistakes
Isn’t this contradictory? You asked. Somewhere I told you that mistakes are good and now I’m telling my son to read without making mistakes?
Mistakes are good for learning and you should encourage children to make as many as possible, because mistakes grow their brain according to scientists including Jo Boaler in her book “Math Mindsets.”
However, my son has a problem of inattention. For example, when reading, he articulates even the words that are not in the book, not because he can’t read, but because he’s not paying attention.
So we figured that if knows that he can’t watch TV without reading a story perfectly, he would focus and read his story. And he does.
Sometimes, he would even practice by himself(and make all the mistakes), so when it comes to testing time, he’s able to do so eloquently.
But this is also an opportunity to make mistakes because when he reads to his parents and makes mistakes, we offer encouraging words and ask him to start from the beginning.
Also , we use TV to get him to be time conscious. If he watches TV past his bed time, he forfeits his next TV privilege. And he has no excuse because he wears a wrist watch.
Summary
Find your children’s magic buttons and you can get them to do anything.
