Suggested jobs for ministers without portfolio

There’s been so much hoopla about ministers without portfolio. Who needs portfolio in an era when mobile phones can be made to do anything? Before he went to ADB, Adeshina turned them into magic agric tools. Now that it is clear that not all the screened ministers would minister, Sai Baba should send some back to their former positions where tribunals, enemies or friends urgently need them. Some of the minister designates are needed in their former posts.
For instance, in case the portfolio ration doesn’t get to Raji Fashola, Lagosians would want him back. According to Akinwumi Ambode’s foes, Eko ti fe baje (Lagos is about to spoil). They want Fashola to bring back his – Eko o ni baje – because it worked albeit expensive.
I understand some parts of Lagos like Okeagi my hometown are suffering. They have not seen a wink of electricity since February – Sango (sorry Disco’s) vengeance on an unrepentant critic. It is said that Ambode is reading Sai Baba’s body language and going slow. In Lagos when you go slow angry traffic begins to build up behind you. Under Ambode, it appears Lagos traffic is like MTN posters – visible everywhere you go.
Another reason to send Fashola back home is the upsurge in crime. There is the belief that Fashola left with CSP Abba Kyari, the terminator of Lagos armed robbers. Lagosians want Kyari back even if it means giving him Joseph Mbu’s accelerated promotion to commissioner. Lagosians believe that with adequate noisemaking, this can happen without protest, a positive mbunity.
Lagos roads are gradually filling with potholes as if Fashola left with all the bitumen, tractors and tippers. Things got so bad that Ibikunle Amosun had to annex the intractable Lagos-Ibadan expressway from his base in Ogun. That is one annexation that Ambode is yet to contest. Without a whimper the scriptures have come to fulfillment – from him who has none, even the little that he has shall be taken from him. Amosun is not alone, he is contesting this annexation rights with Enoch Adeboye, the pastor of Redeemed Christian Church of God. Adeboye’s end of the month service for those seeking divine alert sometimes annoys others but last week, RCCG rolled out the caterpillars to mend portions that may give tithers more backaches than blessings.
They say Ambode mbo – (Ambode is coming) just like Sai Baba. With a fully formed cabinet and after the usual retreat, they should get to work shortly. While they are lacing up their shoes for the race, Sai Baba, could send Fashola back home in case there is scarcity of portfolio for Lagos zone. Lagosians would thank him for that and forget the screaming vouchers.
Another minister-designate (imagine the title), who is needed at home is Rotimi Chibuike Amaechi, the man his friends would rather call the Lion of Ubima instead of finding an Arabic name to complete his naturalization. Amaechi performed wonders in Rivers State and his impressive resume bears witness to that. House Speaker for two terms before becoming governor for another two terms. Under him, road transportation was reserved for rats and rodents, because the skies accommodated as many planes as there were birds. He picked his own Gulfstream executive jet before the likes of Godswill Akpabio turned the fashion into two a penny fad. Followed was a metro line project, which could have made the Japanese Maglev envious in the annals of rail transport. If there is no portfolio for Amaechi, he could pick one from Okrika just to rankle one silent Dame.  But he is needed at home.
Its simple, even the late Umaru Dikko who said Naija people were not eating from the dustbin, did not envisage a day when they would be exhuming the carcase of birds like buried yams. Under the Lion of Ubima it was unthinkable to hear of poverty in Rivers. Amaechi set records and broke them too – when it became necessary to pass a budget and some people were doing sme-sme, Rivers assembly met, read and passed the budget in one day. No corner of the globe has surpassed that feat. Things have Wike-dly changed just in five months of his absence. 
Last week while Wike was constructing roads, in Eleme Customs officers, fearful that Netanyahu, their new sheriff might make an unscheduled visit declared hundreds of cartons of chicken and turkey unfit for elite consumption. They dug a huge pit and threw them in – then doused the meat with petrol (only in oil-rich state) before doing what Fela acknowledged them for – burn-burn. But the birds found their way into soup pots in Eleme and surroundings before they could reach Pope Francis’ newly created animal purgatory – just because poverty returned to Rivers with unknown vengeance five months after Amaechi’s exit.
If Sai Baba has no portfolio for Amaechi, he should send him back home to put the genie of poverty back in the box before Eleme birds fly into Aisha’s soup pot.