Stop pointing fingers!

People being the very wonderful creatures that we are, are usually experts at finding faults with other people and never thinking we are full of faults ourselves. Finger-pointing and blame apportioning is the order of the day for us as we shroud ourselves in the hypocrisy of our own guilt.

Hypocrisy could be described as an annoying and most times, distasteful traits that many of us possess and can relate to. We have either encountered it in the course of dealing with people on a daily basis at home, work, school or the larger society. Some of us are even in relationships with a partner who possesses such traits.

It is easier for many of us to point fingers at others and identify them as hypocrites; but we fail to examine our own words and belief system to see if we fall into this category and are guilty of the same offences we accuse others of. It is impossible for us to completely ensure that in the course of communication, we are totally free from such negative misinterpretations of our own actions.

This raises the questions: how then do we make sure we are not involved in the same deeds that we condemn and accuse others of being guilty of? And what elements make us hypocrites?

While speaking to individuals, different reasons for hypocrisy were brought up, as well as the fact that one may not know he/she is being hypocritical with certain things we do.

A major sign of hypocrisy is sending contradictory communication signals; cases whereby our actions are a direct opposite of our deeds and condemnation of others’ actions.

Mrs. Hynatu Ishaya explains. “It is best to avoid contradictory signals. At all times, one should mean what one says. Say what you mean and do what you say that you’d do. When others do the things you do, don’t say it is wrong because it’s not you involved. Many people don’t understand that words contradicted by actions are hollow. You should be totally consistent in what you ask other people to do and expect of them, as well as how you ask them to do it. Carefully examine the role you may be playing in and if it I unconsciously backing the behaviour you are trying to change.

“Don’t be the type of person who shoots himself on the foot, by trying to improve others without realising that their own behavior sends a contrary message.

“There are a few factors that result in how we may be sending contradictory messages or how we behave that enables another person to perpetuate the behaviour that you are trying to change.

When you talk, your words and actions must be in harmony.”

Mrs. Ishaya goes on to explain that there are occasions when we are unaware that we are sending contradictory signals.

“Sometimes, we may not be unaware of our own contradictory signals and although there are those who are deceitful, there are also those who are sometimes unaware of our communication styles which cause us to contradict ourselves.

You may have an honourable heart and honest intentions, but your words and actions are in contradiction of themselves. This may not be because your intentions are evil, but because you may not have paid careful attention to the things you do as against what you accuse others of doing. It is what experts refer to as ‘unthinkingly contradicting your statements’.

Another element which encourages finger pointing and hypocrisy is when change occurs in a given situation. Hannah Idibe explains. At some point there will be times when we encounter changes in a certain circumstance which leaves us no choice but to change our actions. In such a situation, it is expected that our messages supporting this circumstance changes as well.

“I for one don’t see anything with responding to changes; but I would say it is hypocrisy if one fails to inform others of the new state and the change that we must make to accommodate these changes.

“In many cases, the only difference between perceived hypocrisy and perceived reasonableness is the failure to inform others about why the previous messages are no longer appropriate.”

Always make sure that your creed is reinforced by your deed. If you don’t live it, you don’t believe it. It’s perfectly okay not to live or believe a certain concept. However, it is not okay to criticize or judge others for being a certain way and give yourself excuses when you have to change your circumstance to be that way.

For many hypocrites and finger pointing experts words speak louder than actions. It is very important to back your creed up and reinforce it with actions that reflect it. As the saying goes, ‘If you don’t live it, you don’t believe it.’ If people don’t see you living it, talking about it won’t help.

Thus, in order to prevent ourselves from giving contradictory signals, it’s best that we start by understanding how we may fall trap to such annoying traits as hypocrisy.