Stop heckling Tinubu

People should stop mocking the incoming APC King, Bola Ahmed Tinubu. Thailand has a lese-majesty law by which those who insult or heckle royalty are liable upon conviction to 15 years imprisonment.

Tinubu has become everybody’s whipping boy especially those who have been watching too much CNN. Just because Nigeria adopted the American constitution, that does not necessarily make Nigeria a democratic nation. Indeed, after two decades of practicing this foreign concept, it has become obvious that Nigeria’s romance with democracy is still evolving.

Our elders remind us that we are centuries away from becoming a Western-style democracy. The reason is simple; democratic ideals, especially the American style is antithetical to our monarchical gene as a people.

No true African leader enjoys being subjected to America’s democratic shenanigans any more than bosses grant their servants the status of heirs.

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We all need to calm down on subjecting political leaders to the same values of the Western world. In their land, democracy starts from home where both parents claim to be joint managers. In Africa, the man remains the traditional head of the family. He does not subject his headship to the control of the neck, aka the wife, nor does he subject his decisions to debate. This is a concept unknown to Westerners.

From established ruling houses, monarchs have governed our society before the evil of one-man-one-vote was introduced giving rights to ordinary plebeians. That is the African tradition.

In Africa, politics must run like the monarchy and elected officials must be respected – ask Aminu Adamu jailed for insulting the president’s wife. Imagine how many Trump supporters would have been jailed for heckling Michele Obama.

While hecklers sit on social or mainstream media, members of the political class jostle to position themselves into relevant spots like princes. This is where the concept of ‘Emi Lo Kan’ – It is my turn emanated.

Tinubu did not just come up with the phrase, he was following a pattern by which he helped Muhammadu Buhari into power after several failed attempts and has now returned for payback.

To pave way for Tinubu’s emergence, the ruling house had to redesign original Britain’s cartography by which two of the three political regions coalesced into one. Just when the east thought it was coasting home to victory, the owners of Nigeria resolved that there are only two cardinal points on the political compass, not three. They are –North and South. By that calculation, Tinubu does not demean himself mentioning the name of a particular candidate believed to have come from the East.

He has also advised Atiku Abubakar to save himself from another attempted failure by withdrawing from the race.

It is taboo to think Nigeria’s political class should be subjected to western-style scrutiny. A section of the Nigerian media subscribes to this dangerous principle instead of doing as they’re told.

Nigerian politicians would not subscribe to a concept that brought down the likes of Bill Clinton (the Monica Lewinsky affair), Tony Blair and George W. Bush’s dodgy dossiers and the Iraqi war; or Donald Trump’s January 6 insurrection.

It is unacceptable that certain Nigerian journalists are using their media positions to heckle an anointed prince in a vain bid to upturn the lineage of ascendance.

Tinubu knows that heckling does not change anointing. As the governor, sorry founder of modern Lagos (minus the traffic jams, area boys and ghettoes), Tinubu completed two terms in spite of these allegations.

Apart from the privilege of bullion vans, nothing is new about the so-called Tinubu scandal. The APC was aware, indeed endorsed these scandals when they adopted him. They knew that Tinubu’s date and place of birth were unregistered in Nigeria and that he is so unfortunate that all those who went to the same primary and secondary school with him enlisted in the army during the evil war, were admitted into the same battalion and were wiped out by enemy forces.

Bringing these issues could cause a candidate posttraumatic stress disorder. Media houses should know better than raise them.

The Jagaban Borgu would not distinguish between heroin and talcum powder. If he sniffed anything in the past, it must be ground tobacco, popular in their days.

Thus insinuations that the fine the American authorities imposed on him were from drug deals are far from plausible. Tinubu is known to help his friends and being altruistic should not be counted as sin.

Slaves of Western-style democracy believe that Tinubu owes the electorate a debate, while the King-in-waiting finds the idea condescending. Let Obi and Atiku debate if they so desire. As they say in Nigeria – ‘who debate epp?’ None of his predecessors debated, and yet, they won. Besides, from speeches that Tinubu has made so far, we would need Festus Keyamo, the man who knows how to interpret his tongues to understand what he has to tell those who are not in spirit.

Those who jeer Ebun Olaiya Igwe’s Bar Beach Show would like to see the heir to the APC throne marched to their village witch doctors stripped to his underpants to find out if he is medically fit. The presidency is not the World Cup or a 100-metre dash.

In fact, presidents are not supposed to exercise because carrying the burden of a whole nation is all the push-up and press-ups they’ll ever need. Buhari has done it for nearly eight years and he looks fresher than he was coming out of Sultan Road in Kaduna.

Besides, the fact that Buhari spent over 200 days of his presidency in a London hospital has not sunk the Nigerian economy. When he is crowned king, Tinubu has enough pension provisions to go for foreign medical treatment without touching Aso Rock Clinic budget, even better than Buhari. This is a privilege reserved to ex-governors only except for Peter Obi, who reportedly plays holier than the rest. Only paupers who rely on go-fund-me generosities to treat malaria worry themselves about the cost of parking presidential planes indefinitely at Heathrow to treat common colds.

According to Garba Shehu, Nigeria gets rebates for this gesture that helps the British economy and the popularity of its health care delivery. Britain has a way of showing gratitude to the Nigerians that run their health care.

Patriots would remember that a Nigerian president takes the State along wherever he goes. He does not need to be in Aso Rock to rule or ruin. Those who doubt it have never been run out of airport road by an empty presidential convoy.

Africa is filled with absentee presidents. Paul Biya goes into hibernation for years leaving Cameroon on autopilot. Cameroon is still a member of the UN. A young and agile President George Weah has been absent from Monrovia for months and Liberia is still on the map. South Sudan’s life president, Salva Kiir, lately amused the world and himself when he found a wet line moving from his middle section to his shoes at a public function.

Given these circumstances, and the fact that corruption works better in Nigeria with a sentient president, no shaking for a Tinubu kingship as the swarming and consuming locusts position themselves to run – business as usual.