Spending time with yourself

Generally, there are not a lot of people who like to spend time alone and with their thoughts. Many people love to be around others whether it’s family friends, parties or other social gatherings. They cannot do without being in company of some other people. They consider those who sometimes spend time alone as recluse or boring and even lonely. However, even if only for a few minutes every day, it is important for us to make an effort to spend some quality time alone.

“It is absolutely necessary for everyone to spend time alone, reflecting on our daily lives and the things that make us who we are. This is the only way we can evaluate ourselves, correct our mistakes and forge on. It is the only way to ensure that we are not just existing, but actually making impact and developing as well.” These were the words of Mrs. Sally Mbanefo to the graduating participants of the Afrigrowth Foundation.

In our world today, particularly among us Nigerians, we almost never manage to find the time to rest. We are constantly hustling and chasing after one project or the other.

Taking time to be by oneself is something that Kunle Adebayo considers out of this world. He said  “with all the things I have to achieve, when will I find the time to rest, let alone lock my room and sit in it all by myself? That na for oyibo I beg” [sic].

It is an undoable task for Mrs. Sandra Aina. “Leave that matter. I have three children running around the place all the time seeking my attention and a husband to also tend to. Where do I find the time to spend by myself apart from when I go to bed? Even then I am still not alone. It’s just that I get to sleep. It’s not a feasible ‘task’ to achieve.”

In spite of this seeming impossibility, many people still find time to spend alone and treasure the benefits that these moments bring.

Staying alone helps me to relax, said Andy Mba. “As it is said, ‘solitude is the best way to unwind and put your mind at peace’. When I’m alone, I get time to do a lot of things that I have been holding off on. I am also able to make important decisions. Over time I have come to realize that spending time with myself allows me put things in perspective.”

Ede Nwakocha said spending time in solitude allows one to spend time with other enjoyable things, in the long run. “Asides this, spending time alone has helped me to be a more self reliant person. So, at least one hour every day, I try to spend time with myself and my thoughts.”

Some like Nadia Ibrahim say that the best part of being alone for sometime is that one gets time to do things that he or she likes and has always wanted to do. “Time alone creates the room for me to pursue my hubbies. I encourage my friends to start by dedicating twenty to thirty minutes every day to their ‘alone time’. The first thing they say is our relaxing and calm it makes them. It is something I encourage everybody to try out.”

In her book, ‘High Octane Women’, Dr. Sherrie Carter lists the benefits of spending time in solitude. “Solitude allows you to reboot your brain and unwind. Constantly being “on” doesn’t give your brain a chance to rest and replenish itself. Being by yourself with no distractions gives you the chance to clear your mind, focus, and think more clearly. It’s an opportunity to revitalize your mind and body at the same time.”

According to the psychologist, “solitude helps to improve concentration and increase productivity. When you remove as many distractions and interruptions as you can from your day, you are better able to concentrate, which will help you get more work done in a shorter amount of time.

“Solitude gives you an opportunity to discover yourself and find your own voice. When you’re a part of a group, you’re more likely to go along with what the group is doing or thinking, which isn’t always the actions you would take or the decisions you would make if you were on your own.”

‘High Octane Women’ also explains that solitude provides time for you to think deeply. “Day to day responsibilities and commitments can make your to-do list seem as if it has no end. This constant motion prevents you from engaging in deep thought, which inhibits creativity and lessens productivity.

Solitude helps you work through problems more effectively. It’s hard to think of effective solutions to problems when you’re distracted by incoming information, regardless of whether that information is electronic or human.”

“Solitude,” Carter concludes “can enhance the quality of your relationships with others. By spending time with yourself and gaining a better understanding of who you are and what you desire in life, you’re more likely to make better choices about who you want to be around. You also may come to appreciate your relationships more after you’ve spent some time alone.”