So you think English is easy?

William Zinsser is an American author who has written several books on good writing. He calls one of the them: On Writing Well. I love the book and have had occasion to borrow from it to make my book on style and the craft of good writing authoritative. I was trawling the internet a few days ago, looking for new and old books going for a song on Amazon and other internet book seller sites when I noticed Zinsser’s book with the unusual title of Writing to Learn. The conventional wisdom is learning to write. What, I wondered, was he trying to say by turning this conventional wisdom on its head?

After reading the first three chapters of the book, I realised that I have been doing it all my life – writing to learn to write. We actually write to learn how to write. Each time your fingers stroll across your computer keyboard tapping out letters that make up the words of your choice, you are writing to learn. Every writing session walks you along the path of writing better.

Writing has only one primary purpose: communication. Good writing means communicating even better. When you move from writing to good writing, you begin to create and polish your unique style; saying things in ways that no one else can say them that well. Of course, you do pay a price. You have to be in the current of language, noting words that have changed their meanings since you went to bed last night; and those that have moved out of the gutter and are now welcome in polite societies.

English is a fascinating language. It takes you on a long and tortuous trek through its quirks full of hills and valleys. You can climb the hills and look down into the cool, forested valley below, teaming with lovely creatures and listening to melodious bird music. I am trying to glamourize the tricky business of writing to learn in English. I know it is not that glamorous. You have to jump hurdles and dodge bobby traps.

Let’s face it. English is not an easy language. Not for native speakers and certainly not for those of us struggling with it as an official but second language. I have occasionally drawn attention to some of the tricks of the language. In the September column we discussed words that have similar sounds but are spelt differently and mean different things in English. They are called homonyms or homophones. Do not trust your word processor to help here because it has a mind of its own and might decide that its suggested word to replace yours is the right one when it is actually wrong.

The good thing is that there are people who believe we all need a helping hand in our determination to write to learn in English. In my search I found this: “So you think English is easy?” It is in Literacy Spark. In it, a young woman, Jessica, offers us some interesting peculiarities of the Queen’s English. It is only in English that one word used in a sentence can mean two different things. They are technically called homographs. The same word pronounced differently in, say, the same sentence, is a heteronym. The same word can be a noun or a verb in the same sentence too. In the following examples of homographs and heteronyms compiled by Jessica and partly reproduced here with due acknowledgement, the affected words are, to use a computer jargon, bolded.

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he could get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
9. I did not object to the object.
10. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
11. They were too close to the door to close it.
12. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

I am sure you had some fun with that.

The goofs this time

We turn attention to the goofs we found in headlines in some issues of the Daily Trust titles. The headline is the window to the story. It either invites readers or repels them. The rules of headline writing are simple. It is amazing how often they are breached by sub-editors who, in this digital age, are perhaps called headline writers.

Here are some of the rules: a headline must be written in the present tense; a headline must not be ambiguous; a headline must be grammatically correct; a headline must invite the reader; a headline must not be superfluous; the shorter and more succinct a headline is, the better. Not as difficult as the Ten Commandments, obviously.

In the last three or four months I have concentrated on avoidable goofs in the headlines because if the headline is misleading, it is an instant put off for the readers.

November 12, 2019, page 26: Man in court for over-speeding, others.

The man committed some traffic offences in addition to over-speeding. The headline writer thought he needed to so inform his readers. I am afraid, he was wrong. It is wrong to pile up superfluous information in the headline. If was enough to say Man in court for over-speeding.

Page 43 of the same issue: Illegal salary deduction of NOUN staff Kaduna.

The comma is not a piece of decoration in writing. It is a very useful word. When you omit it where it is needed, as in this case, the headline makes no sense. A comma should have come after staff.

November 10, page 8: Pope ratifies Kaigama’s appointment as archbishop.

An appointment is ratified by a higher approving authority on the recommendation of a lower body. It does not work that way in the Catholic Church. The pope does not ratify such appointments because he is the sole appointing authority. He appointed Kaigama. Period.

November 9, page 1 flash: Ghanaians clamp down on Nigerian businesses.

What happened here was that some Ghanaians attacked Nigerian businesses. A clamp down would suggest an official government action to drive out the Nigerian businessmen and women from that country.

Page 29: Is Aliyu Isa the youngest most published Nigerian?

The headline writer needed to put either a comma or an after youngest.

November 5, page 1 flash: Commissioners: Katsina assembly suspends confirmation as Kano begins screens today.

A common mistake. The culprit here is the word, as. Two stories were linked in the headline and created a totally wrong impression. The decision by the Katsina assembly to suspend the screening had nothing to do with the decision by the Kano assembly begin theirs.

November 11, page 35: Police arrest 1,000 over crimes in Katsina.

People arrested for crimes are suspected to have committed them but because no court has said so, they are given the benefit of the doubt and referred to as alleged or suspected criminals. The headline should have read: Police arrest 1,000 suspected criminals in Katsina.

October 30, front page lead: FG moves to regulate social media space.

There is no such thing as social media space.

Page 10: Let’s import rice into Nigeria – Vietnam.

Not likely. Vietnam can export rice to Nigeria; Nigeria can import rice from Vietnam. How did a headline writer miss something this simple?

Here is a double whammy on page 32 of the same issue: Hollandia Evap Milk campaign sets to inspires consumers.

Plain bad English.

The most confused headline? October 1, page 19: 5 FG responsibilities suffering under contributory pension.

Page 32: ‘I slept with my 12-year-old daughter out of foolishness.’

There was no attribution. It is wrong to put a statement in quotation marks without attribution.

The most interesting headline from November 5, front page lead: Buhari leaves Osinbajo ‘floating,’ signs bill in London.