Should your spouse be your best friend?

Eseohe Ebhota & Bamas Victoria

Friendship is built on trust, especially between two great friends brought together by marriage and it takes time to grow and develop. It also involves intimacy – a point where you can talk about feelings, hurts and hopes, with honesty, transparency and loyalty.

It is often said that if you want a good relationship, your spouse should be your best friend. In fact, it is so emphasized on the social media. But let’s understand what the term ‘best friend’ means. According to yourdictionary.com, a best friend “is a person who you value above other friends in your life – someone you have fun with, someone you trust and someone in whom you confide.”

Urbandictionary.com defines best friends as “very special people in your life. They are the first people you think about when you make plans.  They are the first people you go to when you need someone to talk to.  You will phone them up just to talk about nothing, or the most important things in your life.  When you’re sad they will try their hardest to cheer you up.  They give the best hugs in the world.”

With these definitions in mind, LifeXtra sought people’s opinions on what they thought about spouses being best friends with each other. We got very interesting responses.

Folahan Johnson, a graphic designer, told LifeXtra “My spouse should be my best friend, even though we may not start out as best friends but the idea of compatibility is for us to attain that level. In fact she should not just be my best friend but THE FRIEND, because if she is not, who will? In real and genuine marriage relationships, there is no way the spouses should not be best friends. After all the intimacy of consummation, who else can you share that with?

Ebase Pricillia, a property agent, said “Yes it is good for your spouse to be your best friend because both of you can confide in each other, share your happy and sad moments, do things together and the like. So yes, it is a good idea.”

IS Maeel, a student, says “I’m not married yet and intend not to anytime soon but my mum was my dad’s best friend. It made things like decision making a lot easier in the family. There were no secrets, quarrels weren’t taken too seriously for too long and the list goes on.”

He added, “If I eventually get married, we will be best of friends.”

Responding with an emphatic yes, Bello Abdul’Azeez, who is married, said, “If your spouse can’t be your best friend, then what the heck are you doing in the marriage/relationship? When you are hurt, the joy of having a friend as your spouse will keep a smile on your face.”

An article titled “Should Your Spouse Be Your Best Friend?” on christianmarriagetoday.com stated “Being best friends doesn’t mean you’re going to enjoy all of the same things or meet each other’s every need, that’s not realistic.  Neither does it mean you have to do everything together and forsake all other friends and interests.  Being best friends simply means that your relationship with your spouse is the most special relationship in your life – it’s set apart and set high above all others.

“Look at it this way; you married your spouse because you believed she/he was the best person for you, right?  Then why would the best person for you not also be your best friend?” the article concluded.