When a family member gets married, a new alliance is formed with their spouse’s family. This shift in family relationship can cause tension between spouses and siblings. Lifextra takes a look.
Ali and Iva have been married for two years. Ali works in a research institute as a senior director while Iva works with private firm as an accountant.
Ali’s siblings have been living with them for a year and half. Though they’ve had little misunderstandings, there has always been peace. Iva always supported her in-laws in whatever way she could despite repeated advice and warnings from friends, neighbours and church members that they would cause rifts between her and her husband; but Iva never listened to them.
People end up living with their in-laws for a variety of reasons. There might be financial difficulties and living with them helps you save money. Someone might be sick and requires special care or your culture requires that you live together.
Back to the scenario above, if you were in Iva’s shoes, what would you do? Would you allow your spouse’s siblings or yours live with you?
Lami Jonathan, an Abuja-based married woman, told LifeXtra that she doesn’t have a problem with it because the way she would treat her siblings is the same way she would treat her husband’s siblings.
“I love my siblings so much and I’ve extended that love to my husband’s siblings. They are now my siblings, though from a different mother,” she said.
She added that she has even been told by friends and people around that if they were in her shoes, they would not allow their own siblings live with them, talk more of their husband’s siblings.
“When they tell me this, I just smile and tell them that everyone has the right to do what they want to do but for me I have decided to allow them live with us. And the truth is, I enjoy their company. After my siblings, they are the best you can ever have.”
Adugbo Daniel, a journalist, had a different opinion. He said “Well, it depends on what they are coming for and the duration they would be staying.”
“I can allow them stay for at least a month, hoping that within that one month they get what they want, especially if it has to do with job-seeking, accommodation etc but after that one month, then there’d be a problem.”
Sunday Simon however gave a different answer. Responding with an emphatic no, he said he can only allow them come for visits for perhaps a week or two then everyone leaves but not to come and live with him.
His reason? “If I let them live with us, with time they’ll begin to monitor everything that happens around the house. For example, my siblings may want to watch every move my wife makes, what she does right and what she doesn’t, and then they’ll capitalize on it and begin to fight her or even give situation reports back to our mother.
“Or maybe her siblings may watch every move I make – the time I leave home, when I return, how I eat and all that. Having them live with us may cause problems and sometimes even a quarrel between my wife and I. So, it’s a lot better and easier for both of us if they just come for visits and leave rather than stay,” he concluded.
The article “10 Tips for Dealing with In-Laws” by Laurie E. Rozakis, PhD, says “Your in-laws are a crucial part of your spouse’s life. This makes them a crucial part of your life as well. No one ever said it was easy to balance your needs with the needs of others – especially the needs of an entirely new family. But creating family harmony is possible and it’s very much worth the effort.”
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