Should all advice to brides be adhered to?

Few weeks back at a wedding ceremony, the bride was set to leave for her husband’s house and there were lots of advice from various people. Fast forward to weeks after the wedding, she narrates and laughs about the various advice she was given, claiming not to even understand some of them. 

However, she sought to know which marriage advice some women have stuck with over the years. Womanhood, this week, will be asking what marriage advice brides got on their wedding day that has stuck with them over the years and if they have really helped in making their marriages successful.

Aisha Yahaya, 40-year-old lawyer, says “One advice that has stuck with me is that marriage is forever. I was told that whatever my husband does to me, I should just endure it as no marriage is ever perfect. I was told never to believe anyone who says their marriage is perfect as such people may even be going through worse situations in their homes. Patience and endurance I was told should be my watchword and these have kept me going over the years.”

Jamila Ahmed, 39-year-old nurse, said “I had many positive advices but there was one stupid one that still rings a bell in my head anytime I think of it. I was told to swallow whatever I got from my in-laws, whether senior or junior. I was told to serve them the way I would serve my husband. That whatever they said was final. To me, that was an absurd advice because it was the unwritten part of the marriage contract. Respect they say is reciprocal, respect begets respect. As a wife, I should also be respected and not allow them undermine me because I married their brother or son. That isn’t what marriage is all about.” 

Tope Adebisi, 39-year-old biochemist, says “I got a lot of advice on my wedding day and the one I kept hearing is “Be submissive to your husband, anything your husband says or asks you to do is final. I had to ask my mother afterwards if I had no say in the marriage. The bottom line is that I have been submissive to an extent but always chipped in my opinions which have always paid off at the end of the day. So, the advice has been a fifty-fifty thing. It has been good in some instances and a bad idea in some.”

Nkechi Daniel, 43-year-old accountant, says “My parents always told me that whatever I see and encounter in my husband’s house, I should take it and remain there. My mum always said there is nothing honorable about a woman leaving her marriage because of problems. I was told it’s a woman that builds the home. But thinking of it down the line, building a happy home actually takes both partners. The advice of staying put, no matter what, has always got me thinking because when I think of women who have lost their lives due to domestic violence; I wonder if that advice paid off for them.”

Zainab Umar, 34-year-old house wife, says “I have been married for five years and there’s a popular saying in the North where I come from ‘mai hakuri shike dafa dutse’ which means we should be patient in whatever situation. I was also advised not to involve family and friends in our matrimonial issues as many might give wrong or bad advice. In a nut shell, I was told patience and endurance are key to a successful marriage and I shouldn’t deny him sex and food whenever he demands them. I was told to pamper him even when I know I am right and he is wrong. That aspect, I must confess, I have not been able to follow,” Zainab ended with laughter.