Seven magic words (II)

A magic word you can use to direct attention is “but,” which is at once called the “but eraser” and “but enhancer.”

This is how it works. It reduces the impact of the words preceding it (but eraser) and increases the impact of the words after it (but enhancer).

So use “but” after the statement you want someone to forget, and then add what you want them to remember.

For example, a doctor could say, “you have an infection, but if you used these pills, you would be completely cured in a week.”

A parent could say to her child, “we have a lot of work to do to improve your reading, but I know you can do it.”

This way, you are directing attention to the second part of the statement.  In order words, follow a bad news with a ‘but.’

Words to motivate and nudge people to think!

A Harvard professor once did a research where she cut into the photocopy queue in her office without giving any reason for her rudeness. During these sessions, she was successful 60% of the time.

However, when she gave a reason by starting with “because,” her success rate jumped 93%. Even when she gave nonsensical reasons such as “because I want to make some copies.”

Therefore, people respond to “because” because it gives an appearance of logic. So when something goes wrong in the office next time, ask your colleagues why do they think that problem exists and motivate them to use their own ‘because.’

You can also motivate children to think when you give them the chance to use because. When a child does something wrong and you withdraw some privileges, ask her why thinks she’s being punished.

A magic word you can use to make people think creatively is “if.”

Professor Crawford and colleagues did a research where they gave advice to participants to bet on two teams of equal abilities. 76.5% of the participants bet on the other team and against the advice of the researchers just to stress their free will.

However, when the researchers used an ‘if statement,’ such as “if you don’t bet on them, think how you would feel if they win,” 73% of them took their advice.

So use “if” to direct people’s thoughts in a particular direction. When your friend feels discouraged and believes she can’t do something, you may say, “What would you do if you could?”

Thus, strategically place “if” within your statement to encourage people to think creatively.

The next magic word is “help.”

Many years ago, a friend came to me asking for my help. He sought my counsel on a decision that weighed heavily on him. He had an opportunity to get a citizenship in North America but he was reluctant about it, however, he would do whatever I advised.

So I told him that to have dual citizenship gives him options. And psychology tells us that to have an option is a positive thing. That’s why companies pitch us options when they want us to buy their products. It’s also an advantage for an African, because it makes you less desperate. He took my advice and the citizenship.

The point of this story is that I felt honored when my friend sought my help.

How did you feel the last time your spouse or friend asked for your help? Important and needed?

So when next you want someone’s cooperation (of children, colleagues, friends or spouse), preface your request with “I need your help.”

The last magic word is “thanks.”

I’ve a boss (chairman of our editorial board), who always responded with “thank you very much Doctor!” whenever I finished and turned in an editorial. That made me feel special.

Even when I learned that he responded the same way to everyone, it didn’t make me feel less special.

So I decided to adopt that response too with a minor modification. Now I respond to people with: “thank you so much!”

I do it so much that my phone’s keyboard automatically suggests it.

So “thanks” is a powerful motivator. Say it to everyone, including children.

But I prefer to pair thanks with another powerful word: “you.” So instead of “thanks,” I say “thank you.” It’s more personal and more powerful.

People appreciate it when you thank them for a job well done; and for little favors. To boot, it motivates them to do more.

For more information on this word, read my previous article, “The Science of Gratitude.”

Summary: To get people to work with you, always elicit a “yes” and avoid a “no.”

Direct attention with a name and a “but.” Make people think by using “because” and “if.” And motivate people by using “help” and “thanks.”  With the right word, you can get anyone to do anything.