Setting boundaries around children

My neighbour usually sends my daughter but of recent she does it on a frequent basis and doesn’t even take permission from me anymore to do so. I decided that my daughter ignores her when she errands her to certain places which in my opinion aren’t appropriate for children. Since I too that decision, I have become the enemy of my neighbour. I want to be at peace with my neighbour but I don’t want my children or I to be taken for granted. Was I wrong to have set boundaries?” Following is what some of our respondents think about the issue.
Maryam Abba, a 40-year-old educator, says every parent should set boundaries for friends when it comes to children: “It is important for parents to set boundaries on issues involving children and we should also make sure we respect our neighbours’ boundaries too. It doesn’t change anything; you will still be friendly with your neighbours. I can’t imagine my neighbour sending my child on errands to places that could endanger her live. No matter how nice one is to people, we can’t please them all the time. In this case your children’s safety should come first.”
Ruth Oshiyemi, a 35-year-old accountant says: “She is right to have stopped her child from going on errands she is not aware of. God forbid, what if something happened to the child while on the errand, who bears the brunt, the neighbour or the mother? No one has the right to send your children without asking your permission. On the other hand, mothers while setting boundaries should be mindful not to teach their children to disrespect elders. All said and done, let whoever sends your children without your consent know that it is an opportunity and not a right to send your children.”
The male gender weren’t left out of the debate as Ben Nwachukwu, a 42-year-old engineer says nobody should send children on errands without letting their parents know: “People can misuse opportunities if you give them the chance. If the mother had set boundaries from the onset, it would not have gotten to that level. On the other hand, women have this tendency of being over familiar with themselves and maybe that is what gave the neighbour the opportunity to cross her boundaries. When such over familiarisation happens such grudges and over zealousness creep in. Let her know that too much of everything is bad, that you allowed your daughter to help her out does not mean she should be doing it all the time without seeking your permission.”
Comfort Ekanem, a 40-year-old housewife says: “When I was pregnant, my neighbour’s kids went on errands for me to some limit because I mind what I send them to buy and where I send them to buy it. When I call them and they ignore I understand that it is not my right and they are doing me a favour by going on errands and nothing more. Some people are not aware that sending children to some places has some negative implications. Like a situation where a neighbour of mine used to send a child to her boyfriend’s house to deliver messages; it made the child curious and took it as a normal way of life to write such nasty notes to each other. We should not take advantage of people because we see they are kind to us. Nobody should send your child to another person you don’t know. I’m talking from experience; parents be warned.”
Pastor (Mrs.) Chika Emmanuel opines that it is normal for neighbours, friends and even elders to want to send children on errands but there should be caution while doing so. “Tell her that you always like to know where your children are and what they do at every point in time to put them under check. Children can misuse any opportunity given to them and there is the need to know when they are being sent on an errand,” she said.
“On a lighter note, mothers should not discourage their children from helping others, it may backfire to bad home training in future because they will have it at the back of their minds as they grow that they don’t have to go on errands for anybody. Working for people will help children develop. It is a society that trains a child and not just the parents but let the work not be too much,” the pastor added.
“Set your boundaries, even if you have to keep your children busy with reading and house chores. Sometimes, people tend to abuse opportunities, forgetting that it is help and not their right. Teach children to be respectful no matter what,” Mrs. Emmanuel advised.