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SATIRE: Caricature of celebration

Muda: The stage is set again. Saka: For what? Muda: For the men at the helm of our nation’s affairs to roll out another round…

Muda: The stage is set again.

Saka: For what?

Muda: For the men at the helm of our nation’s affairs to roll out another round of jamboree.

Saka: Jamboree? What are they celebrating?

Muda: The two years in office of the incumbent administration. As usual, the celebration is coming big and it’s likely going to gulp billions of naira.

Saka: Eh!

Muda: Sit down there. You don’t know anything. Very soon, you’ll begin to hear our state executives, in their respective elective offices, and even their big boss at the Villa, say “Fellow countrymen. It’s with great pleasure I am addressing you today on the occasion of celebrating the two years of my administration”.

Saka: Would they have the gut to do that this time around?

Muda: What would you do?

Saka: And you think people would not stone them?

Muda: What for?

Saka: For insulting our collective intelligence!

Muda: What do you mean?

Saka: Wouldn’t it amount to shamelessness on the part of these so-called leaders of ours to say they’re celebrating their two years in office?

Muda: In what sense?

Saka: I mean if they have lost their sense of shame, they should at least be pricked by conscience.

Muda: Are you saying they lack both senses—of shame and conscience?

Saka: Yes, they do! For goodness’ sake, they ought to bury their heads in shame for having betrayed the nation.

Muda: What is the betrayal about?

Saka: They’re all a bunch of disgrace to this nation. Half way into their tenure of office, they have virtually nothing to show. Two years in the life of a nation is not a joke. Apart from that, don’t you think the last ten years of democratic governance has been without any concrete results?

Muda: You said they’ve betrayed the nation?

Saka: Yes.  

Muda:  Could you please ‘gist’ me?

Saka: We must congratulate the nation’s leadership on its failure to rescue the education sector from the brink of collapse within the last two years.  Our public school system has become a rip-off—school buildings are an eyesore, teachers’ salaries remain poor, standard continues to fall, education, generally, remains under-funded, and these leaders have resorted to sending their own children to schools abroad.  

Muda: Do you know that our varsity lecturers are currently on strike?

Saka: Yes, I do. This, in the view of our so-called leaders, is worth celebrating.  

Muda: Let’s not forget to use this occasion of Democracy Day to congratulate our leaders on the level of poverty they’ve unleashed on the masses within the last two years?

Saka: It is a dividend of democracy in their view.

Muda:  They must also be congratulated on the increasing number of child hawkers in the streets. At least, records have shown that ours is a nation with the largest number of these futureless children in Africa.

Saka: Congrats to Their Excellencies in the corridors of power!

Muda: For rendering the populace hopeless!

Saka: They would also want us to join them in celebrating the rot in the nation’s health sector.  Proper healthcare delivery is a mirage with the infrastructure in our public hospitals absolutely decayed. Epidemics of polio, meningitis, malaria, Lassa fever, bird flu, among others, are still rampant. Maternal and infant mortality is frightening. Doctors’ strike is taken as a child play.

Muda: No wonder they’re celebrating Democracy Day. At least, they have the means to seek medical attention abroad even when their teeth hurt them.

Saka: The unprecedented rate of youth unemployment in the country is also part of the celebration galore marking our Democracy Day. A number of our youths have turned into touts, thugs, armed robbers, drug peddlers, area boys and girls, prostitutes, etcetera.  

Muda: And the nation keeps sinking into a gloomy future. Yet, Democracy Day must be celebrated.

Saka: Crime has come to stay in our federal republic with the security agents becoming toothless bulldogs. I guess this is part of the celebration.

Muda: You may not know we’re also celebrating the incidents of hostage-taking, kidnapping, killing, and what-have-you, in the land.

Saka: Looting carnival is seen all over the place. Lawmakers legislate to loot, hiding under the cover of constituency projects; governors squander huge resources on useless foreign trips; council chairmen and councillors flounder in fabulous wealth.

Muda: It’s part of the celebration of Democracy Day.   

Saka: What is wrong with this country? Is the unspeakable rot in the power sector also worth celebrating? They promised to fix our power sector; instead, regular power supply remains elusive.  Generators sell like pure water.

Muda: At present, none of our nation’s refineries is functioning. Democracy on course? Rubbish!

Saka:  Lest I forget, virtually all the roads in the country are in a bad state. And we’re still celebrating? Irresponsible leadership!

Muda: Water supply is currently a luxury across the nation.

Saka: This is what our own democracy has offered, and we are celebrating it.

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