Regret as life’s double-edged sword

Have you ever found yourself in a regretful situation lately? Have you murmured to yourself silently such touchy words like “I regret this, if I could turn back the hands of time, I would never take this path….?”  Or assuming you could do it all over again, would you still choose to be married to your present husband, or still stick to him in whatever condition you find yourselves now? No doubt, it is one of life’s hardest decisions to most people.
And the issues throwing up such deep thoughts are quite multiple. Sometimes, it could even be work- related, that is, regretting that you took a particular job in the first place. Answers to some of these questions could be in the negative because regrets happen every day, if not every second of our lives.
Regrets are usually perceived by most people as synonymous to women.  It’s easier and common for a woman to nurse feelings of regrets when cheated or betrayed in some nasty way. Women are prone to being hurt by loved ones or close confidants, which leave them in a state of fury. In this fury, the mind is invaded with several thoughts, laced in anger.
At such instances, the feeling of betrayal and distrust resonates towards the originator of the action and when this happens, regrets sets in slowly and aims for the “kill”.
The thought of regretting a marriage, relationship or work continues to deepen in our thoughts every now and then. It comes to a point when it hinders us from moving forward with life, especially if we allow the regret beclouds our sense of purpose.
But we constantly fail to understand that we are humans and as such people are bound to make mistakes, hurt or offend us, even deliberately. We have to come to terms with the reality that not everything happening to us is within our strength to control or avoid.
For people like Manir Ibrahim and his likes, there is no such thing as a life without regrets. They believe, a life without regret is no life at all.
He said, “Regrets are bound to creep into our lives and thoughts. But that does not mean, it is the end of life for us. But i want to say that positive regrets help to spur us into making better and positive decisions. We shouldn’t allow it to weigh us down endlessly”.
“When we allow regrets weigh us down, it becomes a burden which hinders and restricts us from living a progressive and fulfilled life. When regrets become a burden they interfere with your happiness. Why allow a regret change the outcome of your life?”, he added.
And for couples, marriage itself is a trial and one must be prepared to face whatever obstacle that comes on the way. In marriage, women easily regret because they spend their whole time fantasying about a Cinderella, hoping to live happily forever.  But there could be stumbling blocks and it is necessary to brace up to confront them headlong.
There are things no one tells you about marriage, you only get to know and learn from them as the marriage kicks on.
Fadeelah Imran Abdukadir advises that,  “When women do not get the kind of marriage they expect,  they begin to have the tendency of regretting the marriage. Getting married for the wrong reasons could leave one forever in a regretful relationship. Every relationship comes with its peculiar challenge. Partners who are humans are bound to make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes in life and most times, we tend to be remorseful about it.
She adds, “Making mistakes does not mean we should compel the person to constantly pay for a single mistake for the rest of his life. Dwelling so much on regrets can also leave one constantly regressing in life permanently. Why dwell so much on regret in the first instance?”
Sometimes, must not stem from someone hurting you. It could be as a result of mistakes you must have made in the past and people keep using it to hurt you.
“I agree that like many others who are truthful to themselves, we all make a number of mistakes or bad choices.  Moving on in life is difficult because people must always find something negative to rub on your face or a scare in your past life to talk about.  This then becomes a burden for many, who see no good in them. It doesn’t mean that I am a bad person. The wrong I had done was part of a learning process to make better choices in future. Regrets left me hopeless for a sometime, but I am glad I was able to move past that phase of in life” Garba Bello Saad, a businessman asserted.
Regret, be it from our actions or in actions or the things we wished could have been in a different way,  we must realize that you  cannot change the past. You have this moment; use your regrets to move on, take each moment of your life and be fully present, live today fully and stay connected to what matters to you every day.
Life is too short to dwell over regrets and unrealistic future.  Getting married to the wrong guy or being in the wrong relationship, studying the wrong course or doing the wrong job and indeed, whatever it is that you have realized if given a second chance you would have done it differently should rather spur you to learn from it and make your life better.
Get on with your life because there is more to life than regretting your past and being obsessed with things that you can’t change.
If our lives had turned out fair, we might not be as quick to drag out the feelings of regret,  but as humans we are always quick to jump into illusions that things could have been different if’…. And the list of the “ifs” continue to build up from time to time until it becomes a burden.
When things go a little rough and tough, don’t just give up and start digging up the past or let the comparison game begin. Remember that after sorrows come happiness. Whatever difficulty you are facing or whatever situation you must be facing, see it as a trying period where your ability to be patient is used at a great advantage.
If you find yourself being overwhelmed by regrets, then you should have a rethink about how to work on getting your life back on the positive lane.