Persuade anyone with this question

What would you say if a stranger comes to you and asks if you are unhappy with your life?

This type of question is used by manipulators, marketers, or cult recruiters to get you to make a decision that is favourable to them. And depending on how it is structured, you’re more likely to give them what they want. It is only one question but it can nudge you to make a decision that can change your life.

Let’s delve more into the technique.

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In 1993, scientists at a university asked two groups of regular Canadian university students very similar questions. One group was asked if they were unhappy with their social life. The second group was asked if they were happy with their social life.  Shockingly, the first group was 375% likely to report being unhappy with their social life. 375%!

Why is this so powerful?

It is in our nature to focus on what is presented to us and forget other things. Therefore, people exploit this predisposition to nudge us in the direction they want. It is called a positive test strategy.  If someone asks us if we are unhappy, we search for the presence of unhappiness in our life.

For example, if a marketer intending to sell you a new phone and asks you if you are unhappy with your old phone, you are likely to answer in the affirmative because you would search for the instances where the phone frustrated you when it alerted you of insufficient memory or when it froze.

Robert Cialdini called it pre-suasion in his book, ”Pre-suasion: A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade.”

More recently, the communication scientists San Bolkan and Peter Andersen tried to get research participants to sample a new soft drink and to also give their email addresses to marketers. One group of participants was asked if they were adventurous people who liked to try new things before asking the group to sample the soft drink. The other group wasn’t asked this pre-suasive question.

Over 75% of those who were asked the lead-in question about adventure sampled the soft drink and gave their email addresses. On the other hand, of the group which wasn’t asked any pre-suasive question, only 33% of them sampled the drink and gave their email addresses.

So you can see how a simple question can impact a decision and ensure compliance.

How do you use the insight from these studies?

Sometime in 2019, I met one of President Buhari’s ministers at an occasion. He wasn’t a minister then but a top government functionary. Therefore, while I was there to represent my governor, he was invited due to his standing in society.

While waiting in the VIP waiting room of the International Conference Centre, we started talking about how we managed our principals and how to give them advice with wisdom. This man had the reputation that the president listened to him. People have also accused me of a similar charge in regards to my governor. So how does this man get the most powerful man in the country to listen?

”People are complaining about XYZ,” the man would begin his conversation with the president, “but they say it is only happening because you don’t know about it if not you would have protected them.”

“The president would listen but he wouldn’t say anything, ” the minister told me. “But after some days have passed, the president would summon me. This time he would be holding a notebook to record our conversation. Immediately we meet, he will say ‘what you told me that day, say it again’. As I’m talking, he would be writing and asking for clarifications.”

I told him that I used a similar but simpler approach with my governor. Before turning in my advice, I remind him of the good work that he had done in the past and then tell him that the people are expecting something in that direction. Of course, this would be done sincerely if not the leader would see through the flattery.

These approaches the minister and I use,  share the element of pre-suasion. We remind our principals of their perception among the people as their protectors. To maintain that image, they would be more likely to do what will favour the people.

We have the natural tendency to focus on what is present rather than what is missing. And this natural tendency can be elicited by simply asking a question.

People have used it for centuries to persuade their spouses, leaders, and children. In northern Nigeria for example, praise singers have mastered the art of pre-suasion. For instance, here’s a typical line from them:

“Our leader has already brought me a motorcycle, ” the praise singer would announce at a political gathering, “but what I need from him now is a car.”

People wonder if the praise singers were actually given a motorcycle or if they were lying. But that is not important. They know that by giving you the identity of a generous person, you are more likely to be generous. Does it work? it appears to work for the praise singers.

You can also use it with children. My father used to tell people that I wasn’t a liar. That forced the identity of an honest person upon me, so I couldn’t lie to my dad or anyone else.

So next time you want your child to tell the truth, start by using a pre-suasive phrase such as  “I know you don’t lie.”

In summary, the 2002 Nobel Prize winner in Economic Sciences, Daniel Kahneman, said “nothing in life is as important as you think it is while you are thinking about it.”

What this means is that we can use the tendency of people attaching too much importance to what is present to persuade and sell.