Parents still paying bills of ‘independent’ adult kids

The sight of adult children routinely sneaking in and out to use of their parents’ cell phones is common across various cultures in Nigeria today. This raises many questions in the minds of behavioural experts with some worrying why any grown up should do a thing like this.
Another worrying thing is the situation where some of these so-called ‘independent’ adults, some of them fully employed with decent salaries, still prefer to stay at home with their parents. Their supper is usually covered and kept in the microwave or on the dining table in the kitchen for them to warm and eat whenever they are ready.
In some instances, apart from parents renting and furnishing houses for these adult children, they also provide the bride price and the other things they may need when they are ready or coerced to get married. A few decades ago, this category of people would not only be fending for themselves, but their siblings and aged parents also.
The Nigerian or African setting people may say does not encourage a lot of adults to be independent. A lot of children are being catered for even up to when they are married and have started rearing their own children. They claim to be fully ‘independent,’ but they are never reallyindependent. There is always one reason or the other for parents to chip in something here and there financially. Sometimes this chipping-in is understandable and justifiable but at other times it isn’t.
Sixty-two-year-old Sanusi Idris, says: “Raising children is a whole different kettle of fish today from what it was in my time in the 1960s. Our parents took full care of us until we were teenagers. Many of us had to work to support our younger siblings. Some others had to work if they wanted to go beyond secondary school education. It was with the money they realised that they paid their fees. And we all felt a sense of responsibility to ourselves and families. We looked forward to a time when we could in turn take care of our parents. After we left home we hardly looked to our parents for support, especially financial.”
The father of six, who resides in Lugbe, added that: “Today, once your children graduate from university, totally financed by you, you most likely support them until they get jobs and sometimes even after. For the female children I could look the other way and make excuses for them but not for the male ones. Sadly, the females are the ones who are usually more supportive than the males as far as I have seen.”
At what point should parents draw the line between the child deliberately running away from responsibility and those who genuinely need parental support?
Statistics provided online by Pew Research notes that: “Parents are increasingly supporting their children financially through college and beyond: 48 percent of middle-aged adults with grown children gave them financial support last year, and 27 percent were the primary source of cash-flow for their kids.”
Another research by ‘The Week’ posted on its website says: 62 percent of young adults age 19-22 who get financial help from their parents receive N2, 089, 727.5 ($12,185) on average in parental aid package annually.
About 82 percent of high-income parents earning N17, 134, 565 ($99,910) or more a year, who dole out help give out some N2, 649, 503.5 ($15,449) average annual assistance. 47 percent of low-income parents earning less than N6, 392, 491 ($37,274) a year who provide assistance giveN362, 379.5 ($2,113) annually on the average.
42 percent of all young adults who get help paying their bills (average N298, 581.5 ($1,741) a year. 23 percent who get help with their cars receive on the average N1, 660, 463 ($9,682) a year.
22 percent who get help with their rent on the average receive N675, 195.5 ($3,937) a year.
7 percent who get outright gifts from mom and dad receive an average of N1, 409, 730 ($8,220) a year.
35 percent of low-income parents who help their adult children with college tuition give them N1, 740, 210.5($10,147) on the average a year.
66 percent of high-income parents who help with college tuition average N2, 208, 495 ($12,877) a year.
11 percent of low-income parents who help with tuition give on the average N992, 642 ($5,788) a year, or 10 percent of their income.
65 percent of young adults live at home for a significant part of each year.
12 is the age by which parents (subconsciously) decide if a child will get financial help as an adult. Kids deemed cheerful, self-reliant, and easygoing had better shots at receiving parental largesse later in life.
For the kids themselves, it’s become the norm. They’re increasingly assuming that their parents will bankroll them into their mid-20s, according to a survey from Allstate and Junior Achievement USA. Nearly a quarter of teens think that they will rely on their parents financially until at least 25, a staggering increase from 12% two years ago.
Cathy Roberts, a Washington, D.C., counselor who has worked extensively with parents and adult children, says that the millennial generation receives a great deal more support than the boomers ever did.
Why? Well, the economy is bad, and it’s tough for a lot of kids to find work in their chosen fields after college. But there’s more to it than that, say some experts.
“Some parents, particularly those who live in wealthy, urban areas, can afford to support their adult children,” Roberts says. “They either want or feel pressure to maintain the lifestyle their kids experienced while they were growing up once they reach an adult age.”
In as much as parents do this and may not necessarily complain, “it doesn’t mean that we are happy doing it,” said Mrs. Anita Ojukwu. “The joy of every parent is to know, see and experience that we have invested in and have raised up self-reliant children in whom we are confident.
For the Utako mother of three and grandmother of two, “We would like on our death beds to know that they can carry on without us. If in our old ages we are still caring for them and their own children as we did when they were children it leaves us with a feeling of despair.”