Overcoming jealousy’s toxin

Many of us have experienced that tormenting obsession called jealousy; in fact, most people have a problem overcoming jealousy; sort of becoming incurable of it. Jealousy eats away at a relationship and affects every aspect of your life, your home, your work, interaction with friends and associates. When one talks of jealousy, the first thing that readily comes to mind is that the jealous person is envious of the other, but jealousy is quite different from envy. For many women, jealousy has become a confusing emotion that afflicts us like a disease. Jealousy appears to be becoming more and more prevalent in today’s modern world. Even though jealousy acts like a disease, it is not one that you can contact from someone else.  So, the question now is why jealousy more prevalent in today’s society more than before.

There was a story of a woman who was jealous that her husband was seeing another woman. The only thing she felt she could do to keep her husband to herself was to go to a herbalist to help her out. The herbalist advised her to some human parts with would he can prepare a charm her. With that can keep her husband to herself forever. Are human parts on the shelf or shopping malls or in the market for one to buy? It means an innocent would have to be murdered to get those parts. Now that is how far and incurable jealousy can drive the afflicted person.

This is just one of the various acts that many women do when they are overwhelmed with jealousy. Jealousy is a natural thing, but must it be taken to such extremes?

“Jealousy, it may be a simple word, but does not have such a simple definition behind it. Though it is a natural human emotion to feel jealous, it tends to get out of control if we fail to tame it. Jealousy affects every relationship or marriage at one time or the other, whether it is a mild or major case. Jealousy can have a big impact on your relationship or marriage if it is not properly controlled or curtailed,” says Asiya Muhammed a legal practitioner.

Research has shown that jealousy carried to the extreme is more prevalent in women. There are various reasons a woman feels jealous. For women it happens when we feel a heightened threat from a rival, we mostly become jealous when we see our spouse having a great time with someone of the opposite sex especially if the person seems a little too friendly. No matter how your spouse tries to assure you that all is well, another person’s interest in him just raises all your red flags.

Jealousy, according to some relationship experts, arises from three major factors – comparison, competition and the fear of being replaced. It can also creep up out of envy.  It is important to understand the difference between jealousy and envy. They are closely related but jealousy refers to the insecurities experienced when a person feels a partner may be attracted to someone else. Jealousy among women is much more dangerous than the envy amongst them.

Hajiya Amina Sadiq, an entrepreneur says “jealousy occurs in most human relationships at one time or another, whether the relationship is an intimate one or not, it is not immune to the possibilities of jealousy. Even in the most secure and mature relationship, jealousy issues still creep in. It is a normal feeling, every woman even the most secured, educated, intelligent, mature and independent woman feels jealous at one point in her life. The only difference is that the mature woman knows how to manage her jealousy.”

Occasional jealousy is normal in marriage and sometimes keeps the marriage alive, but when it becomes irrational or intense, it can destroy the marriage. What happens when you feel jealous? You dramatically become something else, unreasonable, less objective, in fact, you become less of everything you want to be and it makes you more likely to lose whatever you are trying to protect. Jealousy in reality can vary from a minor issue to an extremely problematic one that will only drive a wedge between the most stable relationships. This fact is enough motivation to look at how you can effectively manage your jealousy. Jealousy if left unchecked can arouse fury and lead to destructive behavior. Jealousy in marriage can be a stumbling block which eventually erode away a close bond between couples. If you let feelings of jealousy develop and escalate, the mind will run wild, you will imagine your enemy at every corner, question everything your partner says or does. In most cases, unresolved and unchecked jealousy has developed beyond the end of a relationship into a long term vendetta and in some extreme cases extended to loss of life.

The question now is how can jealousy be overcome?  Jealousy can be overcome but with great effort. Like most other different emotional experiences, jealousy if treated correctly can trigger growth in the marriage. It can become the first step in increased awareness and greater understanding for both partners in a relationship.

Jealousy can be healthy and unhealthy. Healthy jealousy means to guard your territory; it comes from a sincere care and commitment to the relationship while unhealthy jealousy includes lies, threats, self-pity, inferiority complexes and insecurity. Healthy jealousy guards the heart of the marriage.  To have an edge over your jealousy, try to look at yourself in a positive light and stop feeling unimportant, inferior and having a low self-esteem. If you are afraid of something that happened in the past either in a past relationship or something else, shrug it off and get hold of your self esteem.

Jealousy goes right into the core of the relationship and its roots are deep, it is not something that can be banished by wishful thinking, you have to learn to tame it.

Though this might not be an easy task, but if you put your mind to it, you will definitely achieve positive results.  Let’s end this topic with the words of Imfwana Wotela who says “jealousy is a contagious poison that stains your heart and causes your mind to plot evil. It gets hold of you when you find something you wish you had but cannot have or discover that you will never be like another person. I t causes you to have anger and bitterness against those you think have it all.  Jealousy causes you to think negatively and imagine things that are never there. It blinds you to develop wrong judgment, keeps your mind occupied with plotting negative things, you become very unhappy and want others to be unhappy too”.   I bet that this is not the type of life you want for yourself, for even if you have good qualities, jealousy will definitely destroy those good qualities that you have, so be wise and hold on to your relationship and forget the jealousy or better still work towards overcoming this contagious poison.