On ‘Ships’

Some young footballer allegedly put all of his earnings and property on his mother’s name with the result that now he is divorcing, his wife has got nothing to inherit from him. Allegedly too, this man has issues with fidelity in his marriage and has been rumoured to have cheated on his wife multiple times.

I can’t vouch for the veracity of the story but it doesn’t matter one way or the other. What matters is the reaction to this story. None of the allegations excited so many Naija men (on social media at least) as the one of him leaving nothing for his wife. Even folks I expected better from were giddy with their praise of this footballer’s “cleverness,” and made endless mockery of “gold-digging wives who want to reap where they did not sow.”

What a shame that this is probably how they regard their wives – because some of those who were senselessly jubilant have wives that they ironically praise vociferously on social media as  the women they’ve been “blessed with.” Yet, these same men were excited at the thought of a man keeping money away from his wife and celebrating that man as a worthy role model.

So, obviously, that’s how these folks think of their spouses: gold diggers (even where there’s little gold to be dug). How does one build and sustain a relationship when they are convinced that their wives are only with them for the money? Why would you stay with a woman if you thought your ‘gold’ was a major attraction? Tufiakwa.

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Worse, there were some women who lauded the footballer’s alleged behaviour too and talked about how good it was that his wife couldn’t lay her hands on ‘his’ money, even as they acknowledged that he may not have been a good husband. The mind boggles.

First of all, a healthy relationship is built on a firm foundation of trust, respect, mutual respect and communication. The clue is in the word itself, “relate.” Without any of these, you’re in ruinationship and not a relationship.

A diseased relationship hurts both spouses. It ruins them. So if you do not trust your wife, respect your wife, feels like she doesn’t respect you, do not communicate with each other, you need to rethink  your situationship because whatever ‘ship’  it is, it isn’t a marriage.

The idea that a wife of so many years wanting to get some money out of a divorce is a gold digger is insulting. It is also a blatant display of a complete lack of knowledge of what a marriage is. Marriage is companionship, it is hopefully love, but it is, perhaps, above all also a partnership. In a partnership, each party deserves to benefit from what they’ve built together. It doesn’t matter whether one brings in money and the other brings in nothing at all.  What’s worse is that in this rumoured situation these Naija men were praising, the rat of a husband was already anticipating a future separation while all the time disrespecting his wife.

The only positive out of this story is that it may not be true at all that the young footballer has been giving his mother his earnings, buying houses and whatnots in her name so that in the case of a separation, he’d have nothing to give his wife.

As for the men (and women) who believed the story and found a new hero in the young man, I don’t know who’s been giving them relationship lessons. Apart from the allegations of infidelity which they completely ignored, they also saw nothing wrong in a mother being a part of a relationship between a husband and a wife.  If I were married to any one of the men who praised this nonsense behavior, I’d be mortified.

Marriage is a contract between those in that ‘ship’, and unless you were also married to your mother, she has no place managing the affairs that you and your wife ought to be managing.  Marriage is not by force. Go in deep or don’t go in at all. If you’re still tied to your mother’s umbilical cord, then stay home with your mother and let her look after you. Let her wipe your snot, change your diapers and nurse you. You obviously have no business dealing with adult business of any kind at all.