These days, we seem to be bombarded with calls to embrace selfishness as a way of life. On social media, in self-help books, and in various op-eds, we are being encouraged to be selfish. Self-centredness has become our 21st-century religion. I am grateful for universities in the US that make community service obligatory. In a world where people can no longer tell the difference between selflessness and self-immolation, seeing all acts of selflessness as the latter, it is great that institutions are forcing young people to give back.
And yes, the argument could be made that true selflessness doesn’t come from being obligated to be selfless; that if it is forced, it isn’t real selflessness; that it defeats the purpose and so on and so forth, and I understand that argument. However, at this point, with a generation that is being bombarded with the virtues of selfishness, I’ll take mandatory altruism against none at all. Who knows, it may encourage a real change of habit in some. I read somewhere that all it takes to form a habit is two weeks. So maybe two weeks of forced selflessness can turn phony unselfishness into a genuine one.
Of course, self-care and self-love are essential. I am not advocating for total self-sacrifice, or a reckless deference to the needs of others while our needs suffer. That one na foolishness abi? It helps no one if we completely neglect ourselves. We must prioritise our own needs. Shebi they say you must love yourself before you can love others? You must help yourself before you can help others? But that doesn’t mean that we become self-centred, oblivious to the fact that we live in a community. And no, I don’t believe, as some have proposed, that there is such a thing as healthy selfishness. It’s like pregnancy. You either are pregnant or you aren’t.
‘Healthy’ selfishness still advocates for a level of self-centredness that preludes any show of concern to those around us. I don’t know who to blame for the spread of the gospel of selfishness (healthy or otherwise) but we are already reaping its fruit. Spend a day on social media and see how some folks engage with each other. Ponder how our politicians treat public coffers as their own.
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In a country where folks earn less than $1 a day, some of our politicians have multiple homes across the world. Their children are going to school abroad with the funds meant to develop different sectors – including education – in Nigeria. Poor citizens die in poorly equipped hospitals but those who ought to ensure that public hospitals are in good shape travel out to use (in many cases) the public hospitals of other countries. I am sure that in our homes and in our work places, in our relationships both private and professional we recognise the fruit of selfishness. It is like light; it cannot be hidden. It also ruins relationships.
How to counteract this? By not swallowing the gospel of selfishness as a virtue no matter how sexily it is presented. Perhaps, also by remembering that not every ‘preacher’ is preaching truth; by being prudent with what we ascribe to and what we discard; by remembering that not every ‘gold nugget’ is gold.
Finally, we must constantly remind ourselves that we are interconnected, In Igbo, we say that when a human has an itch, another human helps to scratch it, but when an animal itches, it goes to a tree to rub itself against its trunk. Oko koo mmadu, mmadu ibe ya ako ya mana oko koo anu ohia, ochie ahu ya na osisi.
Part of being human is acknowledging that we cannot survive if we were all to live self-centred lives, and anyone that tells you that the way to live a fulfilled life is to think only of yourself has absolutely no idea what they are talking about. That’s not someone you should be listening to.
