Old habits die (hard)

In a now-deleted post on Twitter (I can’t get used to referring to the platform as ‘X’, old habits die hard abeg), Ogun police force used its official handle to post the picture of a young, beautiful policewoman to remind us that there are beautiful women in the force, not just – in their own words oo – ‘olopas.’ When a whole police force is using its handle like some sort of thirst trap, not to talk of some of the unsurprising comments on the TL objectifying the young woman, then you know true, true that old habits die hard. Our people – our men particularly- seem to find it easy to disrespect (and objectify) women.

Remember the case of the Naija doctor who got into trouble in the UK for chasing one of his female patients? He sent her unsolicited texts and appeared to be genuinely shocked that rather than be flattered by his attention, she got him into trouble. His behaviour did not fall out of the sky. It was fostered by a culture that told him that as a man, professional behaviour doesn’t preclude pursuing a woman you find attractive. I recall that when the story broke, there were those who supported him because, “that someone is your patient doesn’t mean you can’t shoot your shot. What if that woman was meant to be his wife?”  

That last question and versions of it completely ignore the fact that the woman might not be interested in you at all (and that it isn’t enough that you want to wife her or whatever thing you think is the ultimate reward she can get for reciprocating your affections) but more importantly, that there is a time and place for everything. That in a professional setting, you must behave yourself whatever your natural inclinations are.

However, if you grow up in an environment where male professors – even married ones – chase female students with no fear of punishment – regardless of what the professors’  intentions are and regardless of whether the students mind or not; where male market traders sexually harass (even minor) females who enter the market; where women and girls are sexually harassed in public transport; where skits and jokes about rape are fair play to comedians, then it follows that professional bodies that ought to carry themselves with integrity, like the police force will so loudly and so publicly objectify one of its members, reducing her to nothing more than her face and reducing their handle to the level of a pimp, because that tweet and the more nonsensical engagement it elicited from some men seemed rather pimpesque in nature.  

I am happy that whoever tweets (X’s?? Nah!) for Ogun State police force listened to the criticising voices and deleted that offending tweet. I am happy they didn’t go the route of the man who, when told that his objectifying remarks were offensive told the woman that she ought to be happy sef that he noticed her. Or the market trader that was told not to touch girls and women who passed by his store who responded that if they didn’t want to be harassed by him, they should stop coming to the market. That level of entitlement is why patriarchy is so, so problematic.

That level of entitlement thrives in societies where men have been socialised to imagine that they are superior to women, and that women are only valuable to the extent that they can be objectified. It didn’t start today and we know how hard old habits die. But it’s not all bad news. Old habits may die hard but they do die, we just have to be intentional about it. We call it out often enough, we punish those who flout it and force them to pay attention. That’s how things change. That’s how we create a new culture. That’s why we hear folks complain that they don’t understand why Nigerians will jump queue in Naija but come abroad and quietly stand in line. Old habits (can) die. Maybe one day, I will even take to calling Twitter, ’X’ or whatever else The Musk man decides he wants to call it.