Of wars and coups

– I hear you’re building a bunker.

– Whatever happened to that era when leaders could do things a huis clos, far from your prying eyes! Yes I am building bunkers.

– What for if I may ask?

– Reasons best known to me.

– Okay. Is it in the budget?

– I’m using my security votes.

– Impossible.

– Why?

– Security votes are for buying property in the homeland.

– Homeland?

– Yes, the peaceful land of our colonisers. Apparently, those who make their homes unsafe for investment lose the confidence of investors.

– Beware of the consequences of undue criticism. The need to protect life is more compelling now than when America invaded Iraq.

– You mean when Saddam invaded Kuwait?

– I hope you’re getting fit?

– Fit for what?

– Fit for battle.

– We’re eternally in a state of war here in which fitness is not essential for survival.

– Oh really?

– Really! Your feet can’t carry you too far if herdsmen ambush you on your farm nor would it benefit you if you’re kidnapped by bandits. In each case, a bullion van fares better.

– Insecurity is overrated. You will need physical fitness by the time World War III begins.

– World War III?

– Yes. Thirty-eight Chinese warplanes recently overflew Taiwanese airspace in one day.

– Were they celebrating Air force Day?

– No. China is hoping to induce Taiwan into a full-scale war.

– Is that WWIII?

– It’s the process of regrafting renegade Taiwan back to the mainland.

– Wasn’t Taiwan a sovereign nation?

– As sovereign as Nnamdi Kanu’s Biafra. Separated since the war, China regards it as a breakaway state. China has redoubled diplomatic efforts to isolate Taiwan and now hopefully to provoke it into a full-fledged superiority contest if the need arises.

– How many Chinese are there again?

– 1.4 billion and counting.

– They recently took back control of Hong Kong from the British an additional 7.5 million?

– Yes.

– They opened up their economy. With their huge foreign reserves, they basically purchased entire nations including a substantial chunk of Africa.

– Africa s always for the taking.

– So they want Taiwan’s 23,000 more mouths?

– Yes, there is power in numbers.

– Pure expansionism and greed. But building a bunker for a possible war over 10,000 kilometres away is like covering your head with mortar at the sound of thunder.

-There are other adventurisms necessitating a bunker.

– Close by?

– Yes. Yemen – the Houthis and the Saudis are lobbing bombs at each other. Now, Yemen is about 5,500 kilometres from here. There is a slight chance somebody’s scud missile might miss its target and land here.

– Without a bomb alarm your bunker is useless.

– Presidents have access to things commoners know nothing about. That’s why; you, my friend should consider yourself privileged and to always support the president.

– Nonsense.

– Remember the Bekwara proverb – befriend the ferryman in the dry season.

– What leaders need are people loyal enough to tell them when their mouth smells.

– You, my friend should never tell an African leader he has halitosis.

– I see.

– The little rocket man has launched seven missiles within a month. The Israelis are ever appropriating Palestinian homes and expanding territories.

– That’s a sore one.

– You never know when another Intifada inspires a conflict with religious undertones.

– True!

– But the grandmother of battles is the crisis between Russia and Ukraine.

– Nine thousand kilometres away?

– Yes.

-About 100,000 Russian troops surrounding major Ukrainian entry and exit points. Joe Biden put 850,000 American soldiers on red alert. Spain has despatched its war frigates; other European nations want to reinforce their NATO shield and alliance. It’s a matter of when tough man Putin strikes, not if. And he has done it before, with little or no reprisals.

– In the Crimea?

– Yes. Every time a strong man misbehaves, his fellow bullies huff, puff and end up with the same refrain – sanctions!

– What are the chances of a Russian missile hitting West Africa?

– Foolish question. Did Africans not ‘fight’ in World Wars I and II?

– Gallantly so and hardly recognised.

– Why were they fighting?

– Err…

– Europeans conscripted them to their internecine war; it had nothing to do with us. Now they’re sabre-rattling let the wise beware.

– Which of the cluster bombs do you think might send you to your bunker?

– If it’s the bombs only, I wouldn’t bother that much.

– So what precisely are you afraid of?

– These protagonists are nuclear hotheads.

– So, this bunker of yours could withstand a nuclear blast?

– My friend, that’s confidential information.

– (Chuckles)

– Don’t laugh.

– I think you should build a more secure bunker.

– You think this is not secure enough?

– This is a selfish hollow chest. Africa needs shelters against clear and present dangers.

– Okay.

– We need bunkers against sit-tight leaders and the fraudulent electoral manipulations germinating military coups.

– We have loyal troops and enlightened people.

– Same in those places.

– We will make adventurous putschists regret their actions.

– Just like NATO allies would deal with Vladimir Putin – with sanctions.

– Yes

– You all sound like indolent parents threatening their children’s bully with denial of Christmas present. Sanctions hurt the people, not the politicians.

– Yes so that the people could be spurred to stand up and fight for their liberation.

 – Preposterous. It doesn’t work.

– Yes, it does.

– No, it doesn’t. In Afghanistan, people are selling their organs first and then their children. It’s time to build different bunkers.

– Like?

-Build bunkers against illiteracy – Africa’s illiteracy level stands at par with unemployment – 35 per cent.

– Unemployment is everywhere, even in Europe and America.

– True but they’ve built solid societies and cushions against the worst – welfare systems that takes care of the vulnerable. You guys have enlarged the vaults of poverty and misery with bad governance.

-The West stokes wars to reduce population and put money in the pockets of arms dealers and manufacturers. My friend, why do you think Africa should be different?

– This is why you’re building a selfish bunker for you and your family.

– Well, and a few friends.

– And the people.

– They won’t stop breeding; we need wars to keep the numbers down. Society needs wars to keep troublemakers busy. Were you aware that truck drivers drove from all over to Canada shouting – freedom?

– It’s a well-known fact.

– If there was active war, they’d be rallying in support of their troops and many of the anarchists in that group would be properly engaged in fighting. Now if you’d excuse me, come back and talk with me when those stoking the war put their children at the forefront of the battle and let’s have a good conversation. I have a state and I must pretend to be running it.

– Certainly, because truthfully, you’re not in charge!