Dearest Buhari,
Thank you so much for thinking of me, your one true love who is below 40 as you signed the bill into law allowing people as young as 35 to run for the office of president. I thought you were joking that evening when you told me you didn’t mind if I became president after you. I know you will run just so I know how tough winning can be so I understand if we both are on the ballot. I accept the challenge and I will run for president in 2019.
My dear, we should have talked about that your Abacha statement at home before you said it in public. Not that what you said was wrong, it is just that I ran the risk of contradicting you in public. But now that I know our official position on the goodness of Abacha, I will simply repeat the things you have said. I think the world deserves to know how you feel, about Abacha’s honesty and how good he was for this country. He even built roads! And we both know how hard it is to build roads. And he had the good sense to employ you. Also, we are thankful that he helped us save all those billions of dollars which we now withdraw one batch at a time, one country at a time. Imagine if he hadn’t saved all those dollars abroad. What would we have been recovering now? You have such wisdom dear.
Did you see that Dino has now been granted bail? I think the time was good for him, away from work and law making, to work on his other passion which is making music videos. It takes time to work on lyrics for the Nigerian market. Now that especially within the Senate chambers he needs a walking stick and assistance to work, I worry about his ability to dance in the videos. But then again there are successful musicians who didn’t need to dance in their music videos. Look at Rick Ross or even Notorious B.I.G who mostly rocked their bodies from side to side while they sat. He will be alright. I saw him praise God for protecting him from the evil machinations of the Nigerian police whom he accused of trying to inject him with poison. I think that will make next track. “All Eyez On Me.”
I see that service chiefs and up to 14 governors are storming Ekiti for the elections. I am impressed. I am glad they are not otherwise busy doing things like storming Benue to help with the crisis there or Taraba or Zamfara, or Birnin Gwari in Kaduna. That would have left us without enough soldiers police and top politicians to do the holy work of returning Ekiti State to its rightful owner. I hope the presence of all these security forces and politicians will boost internal revenue for the state. I think of it like political tourism. They will spend money on food, drinks, hotels, and voters. I wish I was in Ekiti for the elections.
Some have suggested that if you want to run again, you need to give Nigerians a medical report to show that you are able not just to survive four years but to have the energy, vitality and cognitive abilities to lead a nation. That’s only because they don’t know you like I know you. Do they ask for medical reports when they are falling in love with someone or going on dates? When you love someone you just love them, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do you part. These are the vows we should take. Not asking for your medical report which like one of your staff said is none of their business anyway. Why should it concern anyone? All you are going to do is run the largest economy in Africa and lead the largest black nation on earth. Why do you need to show your medical report for that? Is it a marathon?
Next week I will begin with my manifesto as I officially run for president. I hope you will be there to support me. We can even make joint posters if you like.
Ps. My weekly reminder: Please think of the Shiite man who is still in prison, whose children and followers we massacred and buried in Kaduna. It is never too late to do the right thing. It is 2018. We need good karma for our 2019 re-election. Release him, his wife and his people. Or conduct a fair and open trial. Then we can both use it to score political points. The elections are pretty close – less than one year now. Let’s act quickly. Hugs.
Yours forever,
Elnathan John.
