Marriage presents good times to cherish and remember. But like good times which may not last forever, a marital relationship can head for the rocks at some points.
Though the feeling that things are not working in a marriage could be horrible, it’s a reality one can hardly shy away from.
A dying marriage is, indeed, the worst relationship nightmare to ever imagine. It leaves a trail of pain, anguish and disappointment, yet it is almost inevitable.
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In recent times, there have been a number of reported cases of broken marriages, especially among celebrities – actors, actresses, artistes, among others.
A handful of factors have been adduced to failed marriages – from financial crisis, trust concerns, influence from extended family to differing sexual urge and poor communication. These and more may fester in a relationship before snowballing into irreversible crises and then eventual separation or divorce.
Rekindling a dying marriage isn’t easy, but it’s not impossible. Things can certainly be nudged into the right track before the union takes a total nosedive.
Daily Trust takes a look at nine major steps to save a marriage that is falling apart.
Retrace your source of love
One of the ways to mend a troubled relationship is to get back to basics and reflect on when you first fell in love with your spouse. Think about what made you fall in love with each other; consider what you adored about your partner and what made you want to be with them.
“When a marriage is failing, it’s important for both partners to try to recognise and remember the things that once attracted you to each other,” Dr. Erica MacGregor, a clinical psychologist, was quoted by oprahdaily.com.
Restore communication
Loss of communication is a pointer to a dying marriage and must be revived to save the union from a total collapse. Start communicating with each other again. Make it a duty to listen to each other again, and this may help you uncover what was once great about your marriage and how to leverage it to walk your way from the crisis point. When you increase communication, it helps you connect again.
Reflect on threats to your marriage
Couples need to ask themselves questions around what is threatening their relationships. Where did things go wrong? What happened that got you to the point of a broken marriage? Did one of you cheat? Or did life get in the way? Identifying the causes of a crippling marriage is very important to fixing it.
Show commitment
Aside from making efforts to resolve an ailing union, you also have to show commitment. Some people have a hard time committing themselves to reviving the spark in their relationship, and this causes more problems. Learning how to repair a fragile marriage starts with commitment.
Be patient and willing to work through the problems and feel assured that it will lead you to better times. This is a critical issue to consider when saving your marriage from falling apart.
“Understandably, there may be some ambivalence, but there has to be a commitment to try to work through the difficult issues,” MacGregor advised.
Appreciate your spouse’s positive traits
Another key way to fix a marriage is by appreciating your spouse’s positive traits. If you can appreciate the things that your spouse can do, it would be easier to make an effort and find ways to reignite your faltering marriage.
Chances are that your relationship isn’t all bad all the time―but it can be hard to single out the good things when there’s so much discord.
“All marriages have low points,” said Ellen Chute, a social worker and clinical therapist. “What brings people out of the low points is their ability to be open to the positives.”
Set rules
Once you have committed to change and are working on how to save a frail union, then it’s time to create some rules. As a couple, you will have misunderstandings in the future but you can create a rule not to bring up past mistakes or not to say bad words. This can do so much for your recovering marriage.
Be intimate
While sex is lifeblood of marriage, it isn’t the only route to intimacy. Learn how to mend a marriage with the power of touch. Hold hands, caress your spouse, and hug each other. These simple acts of touch and sweetness can help you bond by releasing love hormones such as oxytocin, which could bring back the intimacy in your marriage.
Show mutual respect
Respect is important in any relationship. Learning to respect each other is one sure way to fix your marriage. No matter how disappointed you are, don’t belittle your spouse. Avoid telling your partner they are worthless or incompetent; you can no longer take back those words. No matter what the problem is, as long as it’s not abuse or infidelity, you can work it out by showing mutual respect, a report by marriage.com stated.
Seek help of a professional
Some issues are intractable and are harder to resolve. This is when to seek the help of a licensed therapist. It’s incredible how a professional can guide you to the right path of fixing your marriage problems. As long as you can both commit to it, there’s a chance to make things better.
Ultimately, a lasting marriage requires both parties to be intentional about making it work. “…Marriage is no fairy tale,” said a renowned entertainer, Charles Oputa aka Charly Boy, in an interview with PUNCH. “Marriage isn’t supposed to make you happy and satisfied. It’s your job to make your marriage happy and satisfying.”
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