Once upon a time, fatherhood used to be a matter of faith. A man could be assured that the woman he called his wife would be the mother of his children. That they would nurture the children together, care for them, protect them and shoulder their financial responsibilities. These things were given, we thought until the science of DNA testing decided to complicate matters.
It is no more news that a judge in the High Court of Delta State admitted at a press conference that he is the victim of paternity fraud. In the briefing, he said his first three children by his first wife, from whom he has been divorced for 11 years, were not in fact his. DNA tests carried out on all of his children, months ago, confirmed that only the last four children by his present wife are biologically his. The older three children, the ex-wife confessed, are a result of a clandestine affair that happened while they were married. And just like that, a can of worms was opened.
Since the beginning of time, one distinguishing feature between men and women was that men could hide the fact they had created a child and women could not. Pregnancy and childbirth showed the world who the mother was but paternity could only be assumed. Years ago, I remember asking a male patient how many children he had and he replied: ‘six’, and then added carelessly, ‘that I know of’. I still recall how he went ahead to explain further that he was not the most faithful of husbands and he knew that he could have several ‘bastards’ lurking around Lagos, the city of his many illicit exploits. As they say: This life no balance.
DNA paternity tests are unravelling a lot of buried family secrets. Whether it is the case of a secret adoption process or the product of an extramarital affair, science has gradually started excavating those skeletons that have long been buried six feet under. The observation that paternity fraud is high in Nigeria is not unfounded. Many reports are citing Nigeria as the second-highest in paternity fraud in the world, after Jamaica. Just last month, a scandal involving a managing director of a bank and a former employee trended when it was revealed that her children were not sired by her ex-husband but, rather, her boss at the office.
Which brings us to the question: Where did we go wrong?
The truth is, cheating has always been with us. Since time immemorial, men have fathered children outside wedlock without their wives knowing. Stories of a whole different family of children showing up after a man has died, to claim their share of his inheritance, are very common in Nigeria. In fact, there are men who will openly bring the result of their indiscretions into their marital homes for the wives to take care of. And the women, for fear of being thrown out, accept them. So, if men cheat, why do they think that women do not do the same? The same force that pushes a husband to be unfaithful is equally the one that pushes the wife. It is only the ego of men that makes them rationalise otherwise. Like men, unfaithful wives also exist very much in our society; it is only that, now, science is catching up with them. And the sad reality for us is that, at this rate, immorality and cheating among both men and women will only continue to rise. For as long as the world continues to condone men having ‘bastard children’, women will continue to retaliate. In physics, it is called an equal but opposite reaction.
But I am not here to argue about the dynamics of marital unfaithfulness. I am here to address an issue that has been gnawing at my mind since the story of the judge broke. What about the children? The issue of paternity is a trilogy as it involves moral, legal and scientific aspects. There are many dimensions and ways in which this could affect the children. So, what happens now? Do they change their surname? Will curiosity not drive them to look for their father? How will this affect the relationship they have with the mother? How will it affect their future relationships with their spouses? These young children will battle with paranoia and self-doubt for the rest of their lives! Do you not think that their world came crashing the day the judge called that press conference? Do people realise the psychological impact it could have on a person when you are suddenly told that the person you have always referred to as father is in fact, not your father? And as if their grief was not enough, the declaration had to be made in public. Ikon Allah! Is it not enough punishment for one to have that knowledge alone?
In his statement, the judge spoke about how he will continue to cater to his children’s needs as demonstrated by the fact that he still continued to pay their school fees even after the tests revealed he was not their father. What hogwash! That relationship, between him and his ‘supposed’ children, will NEVER be the same again. Resentment, a human emotion, borne out of the anger of being deceived, will gradually make way into all their hearts- the judge, the children, their stepmother and her children inclusive. It would take someone with a heart like Mandela’s to forgive and ultimately forget this nightmare.
In the United Kingdom, there is something called ‘peace of mind testing’. The peace of mind test, as the name suggests, is for informational purposes only. Here, a father can send samples of his child’s DNA discreetly to the lab without seeking legal counsel. This allows for the father to be satisfied that he is indeed the father of the child and not just by mere presumption as was previously the case. This modality of testing can, however, not be used for legal purposes as the legally binding tests require a witness, proof of identity and chain of custody procedures in case the parents separate.
So, is this what we want as a country? For the ‘peace of mind’ testing to become the norm in Nigeria? To require scientific testing before paternity is established? To place science above faith in our spouses?
Personally, I feel there are only a handful of morally acceptable justifications for a man to seek a paternity test. Agreed, the deception cuts bone-deep. To bond with a child emotionally, only to find out years later that he or she is not yours, is the highest form of cruelty and heartbreak. But before you react, think about that child. Sometimes, it is best to let sleeping dogs lie.
Or like Hausa people say: ‘A bar kaza cikin gashin ta’.
