By Victor Akhidenor
Nigeria’s hopes of a fourth Africa Cup of Nations crown kicks off with a Group D game against seven-time champions, Egypt at the Stade Omnisport de Garoua, in northern Cameroon at 5pm, on Tuesday.
The two sides are no strangers to each other as they have met 18 times. The Super Eagles won eight of those games, lost five, and drew five. This stat gives Nigeria the edge as well as the latest FIFA ranking which has the West African side in fifth place, a step ahead of Egypt.
But the Egyptians will laugh at all these because they have Mohamed Salah Hamed Mahrous Ghaly, better known as Mo Salah. It cannot be stressed enough how much Egypt relies on him. Current coach Carlos Queiroz may be chiefly concerned with tactical matters and discipline, but with Salah roaming right, left, and centre, the national team has a big gun that can be used as a weapon of mass destruction.
Currently, any Top-5 best players in the world list without the name of the Liverpool forward on it was drawn by a football neophyte.
Salah is the real deal, possessing all the qualities needed to be successful in football. He’s quick, has good technique, he’s a team player capable of setting up his teammates, as well as a great threat himself. He’s very strong with through balls and finishing. He’s very good in key passes and passing generally. He likes to cut inside, play short passes, and do layoffs. He’s a threat in counterattacks. However, his weaknesses are a lack of offside awareness, defensive contribution, and holding on to the ball.
This last part is music to the ears of the coaching crew of the Super Eagles, but their fans know it’s time for prayers. To say all Nigerian football fans are prayer warriors is, well, a fact. They add prayers to permutation and combination whenever their beloved Super Eagles have a match. Against Egypt in this crucial opening Group D match, prayer may not be the answer. Let’s recall instances when prayers weren’t enough against the North African side.
The land of Pharaohs has not been a good hunting ground for the Nigerian senior national team – whether as Red Devils or Green Eagles.
On January 1, 1960, Nigeria lost 3-0 in the quest for a place at the Rome Olympic tournament. It was even a less embarrassing scoreline because the first-leg was a disaster! Egypt (then known as the United Arab Republic, a short-lived political union with Syria) had ‘chastised’ the Red Devils 6-2 in Lagos.
In 1977, the two teams met again in Egypt in a World Cup qualifier. Nigeria lost 3-1 but qualified for the next round 5-3 on aggregate after winning the first-leg 4-0 at the National Stadium, Lagos.
In this must-win game on Tuesday afternoon in Garoua, Nigeria fans in and outside the stadium have decided to replace prayers with curses all in a bid of helping their team secure all three points.
We are fortunate to be in the gathering of the cursing warriors who “pray” to see this picture…
V for Victory!
And not this
D for Draw!
Or this
D for, erm, Downcast!
…after the game in Garoua!
Ahmed El-Shennawy,
May your left foot miss its step as you take a goal-kick
May your right foot turn to ashes as you kick a loose ball to safety
May you retrieve the ball from your own net two times in each half.
Mo Salah,
You always score goals
And have opportunities to score more goals
You sometimes ignore the referee’s whistle after being in an offside position
People now doubt whether you hear well
You don’t want us to say in public
What our people think of your
Hearing faculty.
Mo Salah,
May you have everlasting diarrhea
If you manage to play the game in Garoua
May you keep answering the call of nature.
After the match
May you sleep on a mat of scorpions
And rest your head
On a pillow of termites
May chickenpox afflict you
When you are fast asleep.
Ahmed Fatouh,
Why don’t you wear socks?
You have got dry ankles
And we can see them.
Ahmed Fatouh,
Do you see what you have done?
You spindle-leg toad?
Do you think you can clear Ahmed Musa’s goal-bound ball?
Receiver of stolen goods
Just wait until the police catch up with you.
Don’t provoke a man doing his duty
The police have something they call
Accidental discharge.
The referee has one too.
Mahmoud Trezeguet,
Is it you who fouled the air we breathe?
It worked in Kaduna when both teams met in 2016
And a team with Odion Ighalo, Victor Moses
Ahmed Musa, Moses Simon, Alex Iwobi, and Kelechi Iheanacho
Could not rain your goalkeeper with goals
Devil solder your yansh!
Your armpit stinks to high heaven
Young man,
Check your stinking armpits before you walk onto the pitch
In Garoua and begin to complain
About foul odour.
Mo Salah,
We are still on your case
May you wander forever
In the company
Of crashing literary bores
And be afflicted with the
World’s worst case of piles
And miss the game on Tuesday
In Garoua,
After all said and Salahd!
Carlos Queiroz,
Professor Bigmouth
Your tongue outruns your thought.
May you make eight substitutions in Garoua
And earn your side automatic disqualification
And a fine too slapped on you by CAF.
Carlos Queiroz,
You murder the English language
You are the greatest ungrammatical imposter alive
That was why you ran from the post-match conference
In Garoua
May you run from the same duties after your team
Of Forgers, framers, Fabricators International
Who couldn’t respect the Fair Play rule?
Are disgraced in Garoua,
Carlos Queiroz,
Your team will never succeed
This land we are both standing on
Will not let you succeed.
Your team existed only yesterday
Seven-time AFCON winners
But when was the last achieved?
You won’t qualify for the next World Cup.
Our pepper will judge
Our salt will judge you, certainly.
Carlos Queiroz,
For you
May the thinkable become unthinkable
The easy difficult
Practical aims unachievable
The productive unproductive
The cornfields barren
The fertile infertile
The sweet bitter
The fortunate unfortunate
The bright dark
The happy full of grief
And birthdays are a matter of grief.
Pharaohs of Egypt,
May you not know the folly
Of riding flashy cars in the night.
The day is coming, coming fast
We can almost see its sun
Behind the moon
When your solo
Will find no chorus.
The day is coming
When your drum
Will be mute
Like a royal statue.
That day is today
In front of your teeming fans
In Garoua.
Pharaohs of Egypt,
We know your name
Blot on our page.
We know your name
Faking
Arching
Taking
Unfeeling
Derailing
We know your name.
May loss percent be your profit.
O land of Egypt,
If you desire to end
These curses
Invite us back
After Super Eagles’ triumph
Yes, triumph
No doubt
Lest things get worse
Like not qualifying for
The next 10 AFCONs!
Group D
Teams
Egypt, Nigeria, Sudan, Guinea-Bissau
Games
January 11: Nigeria v Egypt
Sudan v Guinea-Bissau
January 15: Nigeria v Sudan
Guinea-Bissau v Egypt
January 19: Guinea-Bissau v Nigeria
Sudan-Egypt
