My life story is filled with secrets – Onyeka Onwenu

Onyeka Onwenu is a singer, songwriter, actress, and human rights activist.

In this interview, she talks about her newly released memoir, ‘My Father’s Daughter’, an over 450-page book which details her successes, failures, exploits, and more.

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Weekend Magazine: What prompted you to write a memoir?

Onyeka Onwenu: It’s a book that contains stories you have never heard of, which I have never told anyone.

There are many stories out there for people to write.

I want to inspire the young ones to write so that we can share with our children and grandchildren.

Don’t go to heaven without writing your own book.

WM: How long did it take you to write this book and what were your major challenges?

Onwenu: I started writing pieces of it, recalling what I could about my father, but then I stopped because of my appointment.

It was such a hectic period and there was no time whatsoever to write.

When I was disengaged, I continued and it took additional three years.

Why? Because when you are writing a book such as this one, you unearth a lot of things that you have put away, very painful things.

Some bring happy memories, and there are those you have tried to forget but then have to deal with all over again.

So, for me, it was an emotional rollercoaster and that is why it took me time.

When I thought I had finished the book last November, the Lord just brought somebody into my life and wondered how I could have written this book without this person. I started to re-write.

The difficult part was finding good editors and good people to work with. I think they are there but they have to make themselves known.

At the end of the day, I had to get involved in editing the book, but each time we had to go back and re-edit.

So, in the midst of these difficulties, I found a way to write a better book.

Every difficulty, every challenge, has a part to it that makes you realize that all things work together for good.

No matter what the devil or anyone throws at you, the Lord will use it for good.

WM: What is your advice to Nigerians after our 60th Independence anniversary celebration?

Onwenu: Hold this country together for the younger ones.

We cannot leave the place worse than what we met.

It takes that individual effort because I believe that we all have a sphere of influence. Even a small child does.

Within that sphere of influence, we should ask ourselves the questions, what can we do to make life better for the next person?

What can you do for yourself, for your country and for your neighbour? You can do something.

Mostly I am begging the leaders of this country as we are fast approaching the precipice, let us be careful.

Each time in the past, God has always pulled us back from the brink and that made us to say God must be a Nigerian.

We pray he pulls us back again, but we have to help ourselves by stopping corrupt practices.

WM: What is your take on feminism and the girl-child?

Onwenu: I don’t know why we are scared of feminism.

It is not a bad thing. It means that as a woman, I am not going to apologize, be secondary or take the back seat.

I ought to be seen and be heard.

WM: You recently said that you married a Yoruba Muslim. In a country where religion is a big issue, did you face any challenge from your kinsmen over your choice? What lessons do you think Nigeria can learn from you?

I talked about this in the book and I don’t want to let the cat out of the bag.

But my family knew that I am an independent minded person and that I would do whatever I wanted to do in terms of whoever I fell in love with.

So that wasn’t a question at all, or a difficult part.

He was a Muslim when we got married and there was no objection to that.

Again, my children are proudly Yoruba and proudly Igbos.

They would not like it when you say anything bad about Yoruba or Igbo.

That is the attitude that we should all have and stop insulting, denigrating and putting down each other.

We are blessed with the richness of our culture, that is what makes this place very interesting.

So, welcome everyone, be proud of who you are and where you come from.

That is the beginning because you can’t love someone without loving yourself.

Then we should accept what God has done in this country by putting us together as one entity.

WM: Why the title ‘My Father’s Daughter’?

Onwenu: I am my father’s daughter.

I talked about my relationship with my father and how that relationship, his love for me, was exceptional.

I talked about what it meant to me and how it shaped my life.

I am very much my father’s daughter.

I also talked about other women who I know are their father’s daughters.

This is the effect the love of a father has on a daughter.

It makes you strong and believe you can do anything because he said you can.

WM: During your time, you were one of the very few female singers in Nigeria. What was it like finding yourself in a male dominated industry?

Onwenu: There are too many stories I have to tell.

I talked about how difficult it was, about FEMAN (Female Musicians Association of Nigeria), the processes and our contributions, other people’s contributions and so on.

It was Chief(Mrs) Christy Essien-Igbokwe’s brainchild.

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