MTN fine, disco tariff hike and other matters

With Naija, the cup is always half full. This is why this country is an investor’s haven. Investors can reap hundredfold returns even where they did not sow. This is why I am not shedding tears for MTN’s $5.2 billion non-SIM registration fine. In fact, I feel like dancing agidiga to the pronouncement, which only deplete the oversized pockets of these billionaires.
As my Ijesha friends would say – owo ‘rure o – which literally means more of it. That is my song before I was hit by a worse bombshell – Disco (apology to those who grew up in the 80s with their stiletto dancing shoes and their safari suites because this is not danceable music). Disco, the guys who principally have made Sai Baba’s turare look like Kainji Dam electricity have spoilt my dance.
You would think that when the geckos, sorry Gencos and Discos bought moribund NEPA, they did so, lock stock and barrel -all former documents being valid. The gods of electricity are greedier than the Hebrew God who only asks 10% of His children’s earnings. Disco wants a 40 per cent tariff increment and if you work for Osun or Kogi government that do not pay salaries – it’s none of their business. They want it before Sai Baba inducts his heaven-ordained cabinet of noisemakers and jets off to another international talk shop.  Worse still, they seem to have Yemi Osinbajo’s ears!
Disco’s rationale is as logically warped as it comes. It sounds like a groom who signs a marriage contract, consummated the marriage only to discover years into the relationship that the bride has facial warts varicose veins on her flabby thighs. In the case of Disco, it has lately discovered what the blind and the deaf know – that old NEPA’s equipment is, weak and in need of serious overhauling and that it is not generating enough revenue to meet the cost of rejuvenation. Rather than head to the bank for a loan, they have returned to us, hapless consumers to pay for their greed.
Naija people believe they are overtaxed by Disco, so, why is it not making money? They claimed that people are not paying for the services they are supposed to be enjoying – but I say liar, liar pants on fire! Disco has only changed name, its bad habits remain. All across Naija, people still have to bribe to get the meter that, like our international passports remains the property of Disco and not the one who paid for it. Those who want electricity in their communities know that they have to pay for cables, transformers and other accessories.
It is also true that the poor always pay for the services they do not enjoy; the rich have money to buy Alsatian dogs, have police and military guards. Ministries do not pay, and neither do the armed forces. I double dare Disco officials to disconnect Aso Rock, Yellow House, Ship House, Mogadiscio Barracks until they pay. If a soldier cannot go to Elizade and drive home a Toyota without paying, why should it have electricity if it doesn’t pay for it?
Disco has investors have taken our patrimony and smiled home, they cannot return to us for more – in fact, they should charge less. That shield that protects them against legal reprieve should be lifted – as private entities; they should be answerable for their inefficiency in a court of law. Let’s see how far they can continue without a multi-billion dollar fine. If they invested in old, dilapidated and dysfunctional power generation, it is theirs now, they should revive it and perish the thought of making us fund their greed. This tariff increment is neither chargeable nor collectable – simple – change is here! Anything less, let them meet us on the streets and see who wins. Since the election of Buhari, the kingdom of service suffereth violence and the violent should take it by force.

On Tribunals
Long ago, I had suggested a magic bullet solution to end all election malpractices. Election riggers should lose their mandate, then made to refund every dime spent on them from public purse. If they are lawmakers their legislative votes should be expunged. If they are executhieves, the contract they have signed should be nullified because you cannot build legitimacy on illegality. But even more – any mobilization fees for contracts should be charged to their savings, their movable and immovable assets along with their bank accounts should be placed on lien. If they have employed aides, any salaries or emoluments paid to them from public coffers should be charged to their suspended account. All monies made from banking transactions should be used to pay for these debts.
This way, nobody would ever rig elections again! Rigging is a serious crime that undermines democracy and devalues the legitimate wishes and aspirations of a people. It is worse than treason and should never be punished with a slap on the wrist.