Men are unfaithful, why not?

There are various reasons which force men to cheat on their partners and many times against their will. The most prominent of this is the simple reason of physical attraction. Ahmed Shuiabu explains.  “Men they say are moved by site and women by touch. Many of us are carried away by what we see even before we get to know the rest of the person. Sometimes in going further you are satisfied with what unfolds before your eyes and are pleased with your instincts. Other times you are so angry that you begin to ask yourself what it was in the first place that caught your fancy.”

 Women it was observed have not helped matters as Baba Ishara (not real name) said while justifying his flirtatious acts. “Depending on the relationship you have with your partner, cheating could be a big, big relief when you are doing it. I have a wife with whom I started out as friends until she started getting overly possessive and jealous of everything female that came my way before she was sure it were human. I talked until I was tired and gradually, I started loosing interest when we were constantly quarreling over why a female should call me while I am at home. This was when it got to the extreme and going home became a nightmare. From spending time with friends I was exposed to other ladies who were willing and I mean genuinely willing to show me love and the care I was not getting at home. I was initially resistant, but when I saw the persistence of my present girlfriend and how much of a confidant she became not asking me for a dime and turning down my financial offers, I didn’t know when I fell head over heels for her. I do not regret it because being with her is such comfort and solace like I had not known in a long time after marriage.”

Jonathan Akinbade (not real name) was pushed to become unfaithful when his wife of 30 years went away for one year in the name of taking care of her daughter’s new baby. “We agreed that she was going to stay for three months and return home. Three months came and went, then four, five, six, until it got to 12 months. I am in my 60s and leave alone in this house with my steward who also cooks for me. This is the time I need care and the company of my wife. At the moment I have sued my daughter for keeping my wife. We are to appear in court at the end of the month. I have told her not to bother returning home until the court hearing and ruling thereafter. I think she has behaved in a most inconsiderate manner especially because we didn’t have any quarrel prior to her leaving. I can’t say I have been 100 per cent faithful to her but this is the first time I am in a relationship that matches the seriousness of my marriage. And I tell you I am enjoying every bit of it and have no regrets. Sometimes I things happened the way they did because if they didn’t I am not likely to have explored other options this seriously.”

It may be true that many men go through similar experiences but is this enough reason to cheat? What would do women do who have to put up in turbulent relationships and endure all the abuses therein. Jide Olafihanmi has the answer. “It is a man’s world and it’s important for women to understand that they can’t have their way when it comes to such issues. The world will never smile at a woman who says because her man is unfaithful she will take the bull by the horn and cheat on him as well as pay back. We are polygamous in nature, sometimes even against our will but it is the way God has made us.”

One prominent factor with women is once they have the man (usually after marriage) in their kitty, all thoughtfulness and attention they once showered on the man fizzle away. While dating, a woman would spend time shopping for food items to make her boyfriend his favourite dish. She would remember his birthday even before he did and try to be the first to say happy birthday when that day arrives.  Marriage and motherhood seems to replace many of these things that once made the relationship so special and unique. Unfortunately for us babes, there are so many Eves out there waiting to take on these very minute yet very fundamental and significant roles when they see the opening. Everything responds to care and this is one care no man wants to miss out on.

Counselor and therapist Mrs. Susan Illaisu thinks women should be more sympathetic towards men and deal with such issues in wisdom and calm. “Generally, women assume responsibility for whatever happens in a relationship. Sometimes they fail to realise their partner may have come to the relationship hauling a truckload of bad experiences, and this is how he’s choosing to cope with them. Until he realizes that he needs to get himself together to keep you, it doesn’t matter what you do.”

Another point she raised, is, “sometimes, the fact that she can’t control her man is the hardest thing for a woman to understand.  You may say you did this and that and gave him all my love, and now he owes it to me to be faithful. But loving somebody is not enough; they have to want to change.”

It may be a man’s world and true that they are naturally polygamous. In all of this, don’t forget that what goes around comes around.  And more importantly, it is very ungodly to have another woman outside your marriage, i.e. for the Christians; and for Muslims who can have more than one wife, marrying another woman could make the troublesome one beat a fast retreat but in another clime, it could fuel existing problem. So are we really safe?