Marrying for the wrong reason

In some instances, it is believed that no one is really in love at the time of marriage, as it is believed that the real love starts after the marriage has taken place. Many relationship experts believe that love only happens when both parties have had sufficient length of time to know each other and share different experiences together. They say all you can be in love with is your fantasy and imagination of what you want the person to be, which could be devastating and a rude shock when you find out that you got married for the wrong reason(s).

Many couples fall into the trap of disappointed expectations, because they had imagined that all would turn out well despite the risk they had taken in getting married in the first place without knowing the other person very well. Worst of all are those who marry to get away from unpleasant situations; for security reasons or for money. These kinds are very much affected later in the marriage, because even with all what they anticipated, they still seek the comfort of real love in the marriage.  

Some women get married for the most obnoxious of reasons such as:

All your friends are getting married: when women start approaching the ages of 25-30, they feel time is fast running out on them and feel everyone in their age group has gotten married. Attending every other person’s wedding reception cannot only be frustrating, but could also make them look left out. But then, this is not enough to just go ahead and marry any man that comes your way, so that you can also be called a Mrs.

You are getting older: The loud ticking of a woman’s biological clock has no doubt influenced many women to get married. However, life is not a game of musical chairs and planning to settle down with someone just because you’re getting older is a recipe for marital disaster.  

You want someone to support you: There are low-income jobs or family financial problems and many other reasons like cash flow problems these days. However, rushing into marriage with someone only because he’s financially stable is not a good idea. Just because he’s Mr Moneybags doesn’t mean he’s going to make the perfect husband.

“I know of a couple who married for the wrong reasons. The lady was in a financial fix and the man kind of came into her life at that time and now being married to him is worse than hell as she is just living a life of pretence. She regrets the marriage as she keeps saying to those of us who wish to listen to her that there’s no compromising real love in a marriage as she did,” says Rakiya Suleiman.

There would be more successful marriages if people could take the time to know each other first before they seek to explore the mind of someone else. It is very easy to mistake physical passion or romantic infatuation for genuine, long-lasting love. One of the ways to prevent getting married for the wrong reasons is not to date until you are ready for a romantic relationship that may lead to marriage.

Why get seriously “in love” with someone when you have no intention of getting married to that person or not for a long time? If the relationship is too long, there is a great risk of it getting stale and the couple spending a lot of time patching up bad feelings. When the time comes for marriage, they are more in love with love itself than with each other.

A great mistake that young people make is that they never allow themselves to experience a significant period of their young life unattached. From the time they understand the meaning of the word love, they have serious relationships, which often cause them to expend their energy in extremely long telephone calls, sleepless nights and failing grades, loss of appetites, etc.

Thus, they miss the joy of developing genuine friendships that do not lead to romance. That is, we are locked off from establishing other relationships. When we start “going out of circulation” too early in life, we will end up in a marriage that will lock us away from a world of happiness, freedom and growth. This is one reason why pre-marriage counselling for all couples is vital.

So, how many marriages turn out to be good ones? Well, the odds are bad because the increased rate of divorce in our society gives a negative pointer that most people get married for the very wrong reasons.

Dear reader, avoid getting married for the wrong reasons, as it’s not worth the disappointment and disheartening pain in the end!