Magic words

Tim David in his book, “Magic Words” listed seven little words that can facilitate that power. The words can elicit yeses, direct attention, make people think and motivate.  I want to share those magical words with you today.

Getting to yes.

In order to get people to agree with you, always structure your request in such a way that would elicit a yes. We’re hardwired to favour a yes. Whenever someone says yes to us, we’re elated. Recall how you felt by getting a yes to a marriage proposal or request for promotion?

Therefore, it pays to adopt simple, yet effective strategies to get to yes.For example, instead of saying “please fix this for me,” you could say, “can we fix this?”

That’s likely to get you a yes. And once someone says yes, he’s likely to continue saying yes.Actually, a study showed that when salespeople got their prospects to say yes three or more times before asking them to buy, their sales jumped from 18% to 32%.

Also, don’t forget to stay in the yes mode.What is a yes mode?

Stay positive. For example, we all tell children “I can’t” is a bad thing to say. But what some of us don’t realize is that even when we negate it, as in advising your child, “ don’t say I can’t” you still moves the conversation into the negative mode.

Instead, tell the child, “say I can!”

The same way, don’t tell the child “don’t break that!” Or “don’t litter the house.” Instead, say “keep the house clean.”

If an airplane pilot tells the passengers “don’t be concerned, we’ll reach our destination in four hours” you’re likely to be concerned.

But if he tells you that you’re going to have a smooth ride, he would keep the conversation in the yes mode.Negative words even when negated, inspire fear, caution and even rejection.

Directing attention

Grab attention by using names.

Imagine you are in a crowded hall, you can’t even hear the person next to you. But someone from across the room calls out your name and you immediately sift through the noise and hear him.

It’s said that a person’s favorite word is his/her name. So if you want to get someone’s attention, say his name then make your point. Besides, the person is likely to be flattered when you mention their name especially in a group conversation.

Interestingly, we even value things that sound like our names. That’s why statistically, someone called Cathy prefers Coke to Pepsi. And Peters prefer Pepsi.

It’s probably this insight that Coca Cola was using during a campaign in Africa that used the common names in the population. It said “share a Coke with Fatima,” “share a Coke with Ibrahim.”

Now, it would be difficult for you not to pay attention if your name was mentioned either on the billboards or on their bottles.

A magic word you can use to direct attention is “but,” which is at once called the “but eraser” and “but enhancer.”

This is how it works. It reduces the impact of the words preceding it (but eraser) and increases the impact of the words after it (but enhancer).

So use “but” after the statement you want someone to forget, and then add what you want them to remember.

For example, a doctor could say, “you have an infection, but if you used these pills, you would be completely cured in a week.”

A parent could say to her child, “we have a lot of work to do to improve your reading, but I’ll teach you a simple way to do it.”

This way, you are directing attention to the second part of the statement.  In order words, follow a bad news with a ‘but.’

Words to motivate and nudge people to think!

A Harvard professor once did a research where she cut into the photocopy queue in her office without giving any reason for her rudeness. During these sessions, she was successful 60% of the time.

However, when she gave a reason by starting with “because,” her success rate jumped 93%. Even when she gave nonsensical reasons such as “because I want to make some copies.”

Therefore, people respond to “because” because it gives an appearance of logic. You can also motivate children to think when you give them the chance to use because. When a child does something wrong and you withdraw some privileges, ask her why she thinks she’s being punished.

A magic word you can use to make people think creatively is “if.”

Professor Crawford and colleagues did a research where they gave advice to participants to bet on two teams of equal abilities. 76.5% of the participants bet on the other team and against the advice of the researchers just to stress their free will.

However, when the researchers used an ‘if statement,’ such as “if you don’t bet on them, think how you would feel if they win,” 73% of them took their advice.

So use “if” to direct people’s thoughts in a particular direction. When your friend feels discouraged and believes she can’t do something, you may say, “What would you do if you could?”

Thus, strategically place “if” within your statement to encourage people to think creatively.

The next magic word is “help.”

How did you feel the last time your spouse or friend asked for your help? Important and needed?

So when next you want someone’s cooperation (of children, colleagues, friends or spouse), preface your request with “I need your help.”

The last magic word is “thanks.”

I’ve a boss (chairman of our editorial board), who always responded with “thank you very much Doctor!” whenever I turned in an editorial. That made me feel special.

Even when I learned that he responded the same way to everyone, it didn’t make me feel less special.

So I decided to adopt that response too with a minor modification. Now I respond to people with: “thank you so much!”

I do it so much that my phone’s keyboard automatically suggests it.

So “thanks” is a powerful motivator. Say it to everyone, including children.

But I prefer to pair thanks with another powerful word: “you.” So instead of “thanks,” I say “thank you.” It’s more personal and more powerful.

People appreciate it when you thank them for a job well done; and for little favors. To boot, it motivates them to do more.

For more information on this word, read my previous article, “The Science of Gratitude.”

Summary: To get people to work with you, always elicit a “yes” and avoid a “no.”

Direct attention with a name and a “but.” Make people think by using “because” and “if.” And motivate people by using “help” and “thanks.”  With the right word, you can get anyone to do anything.