Losing the battle of child custody!

Listening to a radio programme last Monday night will bring tears into the eyes of every woman. Anyone who listen to the woman who relief her ordeals in trying to get the custody of her kids from her ex-husband who has taken the pleasure in exposing the innocent kids of 6, 4 and 2 years to selling kain kain (local gin) and cannabis for him in parks, is bound to weep at the pain and trauma that is womanhood. In a society like ours, such acts are not consider as sins long as he is their father but it also reinforces the facts that kids are best left in the care of their mothers as they will not deliberately endanger the lives of the kids for whatever reason. A mother would rather endanger her own life for the sake kids.

To Aisha Musa, a thirteen year old girl, being a lucky child means not having to choose between living with her mother or her father. She and her six year old brother, Bash are part of the new generation kids that spend relatively equal time with both parents without having to worry about whom and where they will be spending their next weekends or holidays.

“Most times when I visit my friends whose parents are separated, I feel very sorry for them because it is never like when they have both parents around them to cater and care for them. Most times their step mother tends to be very harsh on them and only pretends to be nice and caring when their father is around. Most times I pray that their mother is allowed to take them to live with her but according to my friend, Maryam, that would only be in their dreams as their father would never hear of such an idea. But if you ask me, they would have been far better off with their mother even if their father is not there for them. A mother means everything to a child especially in their tender years” says Aisha Musa.

Millions of mothers are caught in the fight of their lives to win the custody of their kids. Disenchanted, many wonder if they will ever again be an important part of their sons’ or daughters’ lives. Mothers who find themselves in divorce situations and hope on gaining the sole responsibility of the kids always face a hurdle in this African society of ours!

Although child custody favors mothers the world over but the reverse is always the case in African as the woman is humiliated and made to leave the house without having any access to her kids again case of divorce. There are numerous questions surrounding the custody of the kids after a divorce but what it is and how it works remains a puzzle for most mothers, who feel and who society knows they deserve the sole custody of the kids.

Has anyone paused to think why wives despite all the hurdles they face in the home still stick to their marriages? Many do it for the sake of their kids as they know that leaving the house with the kids will be a battle they have to fight for the rest of their lives.  So they stick to the marriage through thick and thin for the sake of the kids. But how many men will for the sake of the kids decide to forgo the deceitful pleasures of the world.  Well if you ask me very few will pass the test.

Looking around one can pick the number of children that will be better off with their fathers and this will be in a ratio one in a million. “This is a problem our society is facing as most broken homes end up with the kids being with the man and they do this in trying to spite the woman. Look around you will find a lot of divorced women not at peace because of the kids they have left behind but the reverse is the case for the man especially if there is another woman in his life. He cares less for them thinking that the other woman will take care of them forgetting that women have the tendency to be jealous not just in their interaction with other women but even with their children. They are few women that can treat these kids as they are theirs. Most are bias and tend to be very harsh towards the kids and only pretend when the man is around. I am a woman so I know what I am talking about. Our society must accept that the kids are better off with the mother and the mother alone”, says Mrs Victoria Abbey.

There is the need for society to reverse the way it deals with some issues. Men, well let’s say most men are not in the position to have full custody of the kids. They are better off with their mothers. The pain of losing your kids in a custody battle cannot be compared to anything in this world. That was the situation the woman on the programme on last Monday found herself.

As mothers we must appeal on behalf of this woman, to the relevant agencies to intervene by ensuring that she given the chance to be part her children’s life.