Living above our means

Last week, a discussion ensued between a couple on whether to have their first child in Nigeria or abroad. The husband, in his mid-thirties, tried to convince his wife to cut her exorbitant expectations. “Why do women always want to live above their means?” asked the man. Explaining to a friend over the phone, he said: “We’re expecting our first child. I’m not poor and can provide a comfortable life for us but she is asking for too much. She wants us to have our baby in America and insists on flying business class. My refusal has brought about constant quarrels. Tell me, do I have live above my means to please her?”
Respondents gave varying opinions on the issue. Mrs. Zainab Labaran, 40, is a teacher and she feels maturity is what the wife in questions lacks. “Immaturity is the word here. The woman is just being childish. I have a feeling she married her husband because she thought he had money and now that he is being real with her she is trying to do it the hard way. I suggest he stands his ground.”
Hajiya Maryam Ahmed, 37, is a civil servant. She says there are key questions that need to be asked first to ascertain the problem. The questions: “Does she know how much he earns? Does she know he doesn’t wait on his parents’ fortune to survive? How open is he with her concerning his financial capability?” She adds that if the wife did not know, let her know now. “If she did, and she is still making all these crazy demands, be a man and take full charge, clip her wings. She most likely has friends she is competing with.”
Male folks were not left out, as 35-year-old Adekunle Lanre, a banker, says it should not be a problem, as the answer is very simple. “Whether you have the money or not, let her give birth here in Nigeria. You may end up bankrupt if you try to please her because the moment you oblige her, a bigger task is around the corner waiting for you to execute.  Act as a man, have a say of your own. The plain truth is she’s trying to show off among her friends. The moment you agree to this one, rest assured that all your children will be born abroad at the detriment of your wallet. From experience, never start what you cannot finish.”
Mr. Abba Yusuf, 45, is an engineer. He suggests the wife has the baby in Nigeria. “Why wouldn’t she want to have the baby here? It is not news that some women love to waste money. Has she weighed it that the money she intends to waste for this trip could be saved for the baby’s future? If you can’t afford something, both have to sit and discuss as adults and let her know your capabilities.”
On the other hand, Amaka Agbor, 35, who’s a nurse, agrees with the wife in trying to secure better health facilities for her unborn child. “It’s their son’s life she is trying to secure. I know it’s hard, but he can plead with her to manage whatever he can afford for now. We all know the benefits of giving birth in America.”
Against the above opinion, 36-year-old Dr. Halima Bashiru says she doesn’t agree that it is when a child is born in America that he/she can have a fulfilled life. “Are we saying the child’s life cannot be made in Nigeria? After all, there are still very poor people in the states as well. There are no shortcuts to success. Giving birth abroad is not the key to the success of that child. I believe the first step to success is cutting your coat according to your size.”
Marriage Counsellor Hajiya Maryam Abduallhi says while women are prone to fall to peer pressure, “Women like that are selfish, self-centered and live beyond their means. “Naturally, women get married with high hopes of having their dreams met by their husbands. But with time and as we grow older, we tend to understand and know the level of our husbands, and then we begin to cut down on our demands. In this situation, I’ll advise men to become more transparent to their partners. Husbands need to be strong to be able to cut down on their wife’s lifestyle. Life is all about management. Couples should learn to say it as it is.”