Letting go

By Margaret Ogbebor SSMA 

People we live with or come in contact with make impact in our lives; it may be good or bad. Many of us are hurt today because we find it difficult to forgive others. If we do not forgive others, we would not grow. When we refuse to grow, we become fixated in a particular spot nothing new would come in. We remain stagnant and stunted. When a man stops to grow, he would surely die in no time. The solution to stagnancy and fixation is ‘growth’. Growth is a gradual process; it may take a longer period of time than expected but there is assurance of life. When people hurt us so badly that we cannot forgive, it is because we are weak, and the strong would always look for means to survive. To survive means that we must struggle to grow beyond that pain that hurts us so much. 

The first step to growth is forgiveness and after forgiving, we begin to ‘let go’. Letting go is when we stop thinking about something or stop being angry about our past hurts. Forgiveness is not easy but it is possible if we really want to gain our peace. ‘Letting go’ is when we stop holding on to some persons or people due to what they have done to us. Pay back is not the best, forgiveness and letting go brings healing and growth. Often time painful memories may lead one into unhealthy habits that may not be helping to us as individuals. As Christians, we should not be dwelling in our past like people without hope of living. Some people are attached to their past and they refuse to grow; some past experiences have led many to depression or committing suicide. As Christians we should work on ourselves to develop our minds for growth and happiness. Happiness cannot be bought from the market; it is a decision that one has made and decide to practise and live out. ‘Letting go’ means we are separating ourselves from unhappy moods or anything that would hurt us. It helps one to be free from emotional burden and becoming happy and lively as children of God. 

In the story of King Saul and David we saw how King Saul tried all means to harm David because of his gift, and Saul made it known to his entire official and his son Jonathan. “And Saul spoke to Jonathan his son and to his entire servant, that they should kill David. But Jonathan delighted much in David: and Jonathan went to David saying, Saul my father seeks to kill you: now therefore, I pray you, take heed to thyself until the morning and abide in a secret place and hide yourself” (1 Samuel 19:1-2). From this scriptural passage we would see that King Saul had a very bad intention towards David. He actually wanted David dead due to jealousy and unhealthy rivalry. David had been a great man right from his childhood. As boy, David was able to fight beer with his bare hands and kill it. He fought Goliath and won victory for Israel. The women praised him saying, “King Saul killed thousands but David killed tens of thousands” (1 Samuel 18:7). These situations arouse King Saul’s anger and he wanted David dead because he could not withstand the greatness in him. 

Unnecessary jealousy can lead people to do negative things, tearing people apart and even destroying lives like in the case of King Saul and David. Despite all these, David never conceived any negative thought toward King Saul because he considered him as the lord’s anointed (1 Samuel 24:6). When David had the opportunity of killing king Saul he did not, even his men were happy that God has delivered his enemy  into his hand. “And the men of David said to him, behold the day of which the lord said to you, behold. I will deliver thine enemy into your hand, that you many do to him as he has done to you. Then David arose and cut off the skirt of Saul’s robe”. (1 Samuel 24:4). Despite the opportunity he had, David never did anything evil, rather he cut the edge of his robe to show him a sign that he had no negative thought against him. As Christians, there are many lessons to be learnt from the life of David. He repays evil with good. We should try to emulate this because vengeance is of the Lord. He had the opportunity to pay back evil for evil but he forgave King Saul by letting go. David becomes a happy person ever after. 

Furthermore, in 2 Samuel 1:1-4, 11-12, 19,23-27 “In those days: after the death of Saul, when David had returned from the slaughter of the Amalekites, David remained two days in Ziklag; and on the third day, behold, a man came from Saul’s camp, with his clothes torn and earth upon his head. And when he came to David, he fell to the ground and did obeisance. David said to him, “Where do you come from?” And he said to him, “I have escaped from the camp of Israel.” And David said to him, “How did it go? Tell me” and he answered, “The people have fled from the battle, and many of the people also have fallen and are dead; Saul and his son Jonathan are also dead…”

David had a large heart, when he was told about the death of King Saul; his enemy and his son Jonathan, he burst into tears he and his men wept all day. He forgave King Saul and all the evil he has done, by “letting go” because he wanted to grow and be happy. He did not rejoice over the death of his enemy; King Saul but mourned in pain. David shows a posthumous love toward King Saul and his son Jonathan. What a kind attitude that David portrayed. The attitude of David is a typical example for us to follow as Christians, we are expected to love our enemies and forgive whatever evil they have done to us. The kind of heart David possesses made God to fall in love with him. David becomes a man after God’s own heart because he was able to ‘forgive’ and ‘let go’. No wonder God decided to choose the Saviour of the world from his lineage “Jesus son of David”. When we forgive, God also forgives us our short comings. With the attitude of forgiveness, we are re-enacting the character of God. It is a belief that, it is only God that can actually forgive sins. As children of God we should try to learn how to forgive and let go.

In the act of the Apostles chapter 7:54-58 Stephen was one of the seven Deacons chosen to be in charge of the affairs of the Christian community. He was a man full of the Holy Spirit and he was ready to die for the truth. People had problem with him because he was not ready to compromise the truth, he was hated by the people. Worse still he was saying that he saw heaven thrown open and the son of man sitting at the right hand of God (Act 7:55). This made the people to be infuriated and closed their ears that he was blaspheming. They dragged him out of the city and stoned him to death. The people treated him with much contempt. He still “Forgave” them and “Let go” before he died, He begged God to forgive them, what a kind heart! His death was like a fragrant sacrifice in the sight of God. 

Jesus Christ while still on the cross “forgave” his enemies and equally “let go” “then he said father forgive them, for they know not what they do. They parted his garment and cast lots” (Luke 23:34). Even while Jesus was still in pains, he forgave his enemies because he wanted to really set us free and save us. He did not only forgive his enemies; he also forgave the whole world so that we might be free from bondage. Forgiveness is a very beautiful thing, when you forgive you become lighter and happier. Those who find it difficult to forgive are heavier and sad, lack of forgiveness of body and soul is bondage. Many of us have fallen victim of this weakness. It is main cause of spiritual stagnancy (no growth).

Finally, As Christians, when we let go and forgive, we become free, happier and growth would take place. We should also remember that to “err is human to forgive is divine” we need God’s grace to really “forgive” and “Let go”.  

Sr Margret Ogbebor SSMA is a Catholic Nun, working in the Catholic Diocese of Sokoto. She is the Head Teacher of St Martin de Porres Nursery and Primary School Katsina. [email protected]