Dear Mr New Year 2024,
You are welcome, New Year, to our lives. I know many people, myself included, would say you are just an extension of time, not a reset of it; a mere flip in the calendar that shouldn’t mean anything different, that doesn’t translate to any realistic astronomical change. But you see, we humans, have somehow settled on your arrival as a time for new beginnings. Don’t blame us. We are incurable optimists.
I had wanted to write you sooner so that when you were arriving you would be sure what to put in your bag. But Plateau happened again and hundreds of people were brutally massacred and would therefore not be around to participate in your welcome banquet. (Sorry, your reception had been sort of low-key but with all the killings in Plateau and Palestine, it is not a good look to party like that). In those circumstances, it seemed more imperative to write about that because, being the incurable optimists that we are, we hope this will be the last of this carnage we will witness. We are hoping that your predecessor had gathered all these troubles in his duffel bag and skipped town with them. What else do we have but hope, eh?
Beloved New Year 2024, I am not sweet-talking you because I am pinning a lot of hope on you. It is just my optimistic spirit, you see. But as a guest arriving, we hope to see the back of you eventually, as some of us were lucky to see off your predecessor, (because it would be rude for the hosts to be seen off by the guest, don’t you think? Like your predecessor saw off those hosts in Plateau, and Borno and Katsina and everywhere else people have been murdered without restraint, before dusting its back seat and waltzing off into Memoria.)
Mr New Year 2024, sir, don’t think I am gossiping but you see, I must say that your predecessor was quite the handful. He arrived with a lot of chaos. One moment there were elections and the next, people were hating each other and cursing each other. And the moment those elections were over, what did we get? If I ever imagined a proper year ending and another beginning, it was like ours ended on May 28, and May 29 was the beginning of our year in purgatory. One moment things were bad enough, the next they were completely berserk because well, “the fuel subsidy is gone”. Rising fuel costs, falling naira value, jet-propelled exchange rates, inflation rates that outgrew galloping and went supersonic, and the worst unemployment rates in decades.
Boko Haram refused to die, in fact, they resurfaced. And don’t get me started on those rascally bandits. And then Hamas went bang bang and Israel has been going boom boom boom boom boom boom since then, murdering women and children, bombing hospitals and refugee camps. And the rest of the world has stood by, arguing from the sidelines just as Nigeria has been doing with those tragic massacres in Plateau. Subhanallah, your predecessor was something else, I tell you.
But you are not like that, are you, Mr New Year? Ah! You son of fortune and favour. I see in your smile and the kindness in your eyes that you are nothing like him. I mean you are the same because you are a calendar year, just like him, and all that, but you know what I mean, right? You are…better. Trust me, I am not buttering you up because I have a favour to ask, Mr New Year, but you see, there are these little things, shall we just call them requests, just small reminders of what is to be expected of a guest.
Of course, it goes without saying that a guest should be kind and considerate to his host, not true? In the past, a guest brings something, like candies for the children or a gallon of palm oil or other niceties, just to signal their good intent to their hosts. You see, these people, especially Nigerians, have had a tough time with your predecessor and are deserving of some kindness. So, if you brought some goodies, please, feel free to put those on the table right away. There is no need to delay the gesture until you have rested from your journey.
So, during your stay, could we have some stability? Nothing too big just basic things like people waking up in the same beds they slept in, not on the other side of life or in displaced persons camps, not having to flee their homes because they are being slaughtered by bandits and terrorists, or being abducted for ransom. It would also help if they don’t get robbed on their travels, or have gas thanks explode in their faces or get run over by big trucks so that they can continue to hustle in peace.
Also, you know what would be good? Perhaps people being a lot less toxic to each other, unlike in the last year, especially with everything that had to do with the elections where you look at Nigerians going at each other and wonder how we are actually from the same country. It would be great to have less of that during your stay, don’t you think? So, if you brought along a toxicity-absorbing sponge, that would be one of the best gifts ever.
What would be even more grand would be some economic stability. You see how the prices take off like an unhinged witch riding a broom under the influence? That is not a good thing. Nigerians could do without that, at least during your stay. It would be great to go to the market today and buy things for the same price you bought them a week ago or even the day before. It would even be more amazing if we could buy those things for less. But I know, that may be asking too much. So at least, just keep the prices the same.
Wait! I remember something, Mr New Year 2024. How about a sense of justice? I know that is sort of big, but is it possible to have some real justice being done, like all those people who go about shooting and hacking people because they have guns and machetes and can get away with it? Can we at least find ways to bring them to justice? You know how one unhinged man in America would go to a place and start shooting people and the police would launch this manhunt, deploy choppers, cameras, drones, dogs, and professional personnel who will flip every stone over, comb every blade of grass with a fine comb, open every door and look into every nook and cranny until they find the criminal.
You saw how hundreds of people have been massacred in Plateau by hundreds of crazy terrorists, right? You see how we are already forgetting, moving on to the next trending issue already? Where is the manhunt for the killers? Where is the outrage? How do hundreds of murderers disappear into the night? Apart from the political-speak and blame game, what have we actually done to find the perps? Who have we held accountable for the failures that led to these deaths? One week later, what tangible outcomes have we had?
You see, Mr New Year, there are things your predecessors left us with, things we really could do without. They have not been kind guests, these years.
So, may you be the one that turns things around. May this year be full of things that we will remember fondly, not for the needless pains we have had to endure.
Sincerely,
A hopeful human.
