Lessons from Uganda

Nobody should think that their heckling of General Buhari made him change his mind on state visit of troubled spots. It’s quarter to elections and if there’s anything politicians fear most even with their capacity to rig, it is the wrath of the electorate packaged in one of ten fingers! Just like a hungry goat is unfazed about the trader’s whip, a politrician would prostrate for a cow if it knew it could get its vote. Never mind that the same politrician would not hesitate to slaughter the same cow for the victory celebration. 

The President knows what to do and has the perfect timing for doing things. As his unrepentant supporters always remind us, if they could support a man who presented a NEPA bill as certificate, they would not withdraw their support based on mere criticism. I therefore confess my incompetence to kick against a regional deity. I implore the nation to exercise patience and stop the silly habit of comparing apples with oranges, which is what happens when we compare what happened under President Jones with the status quo. With the log of corruption beclouding our vision; everywhere we go, we generously offer to help less corrupt nations clear the mote in their own eyes. If that’s not the altruism of a big-for-nothing brother, then tomorrow is not Monday. 

President Buhari is listening to his superior instinct and the advice of his closest aides – those ones, who apparently have taken over the cabinets in Hajiya Aisha’s kitchen. From the generosity of his mind, the visit has began and trust the system that has left the masses poor and jaded, they’ll be mobilized by Naira and kobo to come out and worship the Sai Baba of Naija with the same frenzy of followers of residents of Shirdi adore theirs. We all know that if he quickly rushed to Benue, Taraba, Yobe and every troubled spot in Arewaland, these same critics would wonder why he did not go to Rivers, Owerri or Bayelsa to oversee operation Wipe Out Rebellion.

Great things happen close to elections, but greater ones follow second or eternal terms if you ask Yoweri Museveni. Last week Museveni, who is at least two years older than Sai Baba and has run Uganda by army arrangement since 1986, initiated that word we’ve all heard before – change. In his first sweeping reforms since securing earthly endorsement of his divine mandate to rule forever, Museveni has shown that given time, even old gums could bite deep harder than carnivorous fangs.

In these much-awaited restructurings, Museveni found the balls to sack his security minister Henry Tumukunde and the head of the police, General Kali Kahura among others. You can’t imagine the euphoria from Kulambiro to Kampala. There’s hope for us. At least, the last time Sai Baba was embarrassed by his defense minister, he ordered him to relocate to Maiduguri. At the next embarrassment, he directed the chief of police to move to Makurdi. That was enough impetus for General Danbanza to order the IG of Police to move without waiting for order – Sai Baba’s turarai was working. Danbanza knows he may be asked to move permanently to Sambisa if he didn’t follow the queue. In the forest, it would be very difficult for his security detail to keep his shoes clean.

In pre-endorsement Uganda, things were almost at the same level they were in Naija. Andrew Felix Kaweesi, an assistant-inspector-general of police, his escort and driver were killed in broad daylight in Kulambiro, Uganda. Several other high-class killings including those of women and religious leaders were reported with Museveni giving Aso-Rock kind of assurances. Our own IG warns states making anti-grazing laws to expect mass-murders. Any deaths resulting from the enactment of such laws he regards as own goal, yet neither the IG nor his commissioners have lost the confidence of their comedian-in-chief. Indeed they’ll be securing the president on his state visits. With state officials, they’ll arrange favourable scenes to help the president realize that his visit was – after all, unnecessary.

It is always patriotic to keep quiet over these things just in case one shows up at the airport or is invited to Yellow House or Louis Edet House. If Tony Ezimakor had thought about these things, he would not have been arrested. For those unfamiliar with Ezimakor, he is the daring journalist with details of how Buhari has been paying ransom to Boko Haram and swapping their commandos for the release of kidnapped girls. Apparently, he is not a student of Ahmed Salkida.

You would all agree with me, except you moonlight for the Committee to Protect Journalists, CPJ that even if Mr Ezimakor had these details, he ought not to publish them without first clearing them with editors-at-large, Femi Adesina, Garba Shehu or Lai Mohammed and managing editor, Mamman Daura. It is obvious that journalists who think that Naija democracy means documenting known secrets would, in the months to come experience the effect of exhuming putrid skeletons to the cost of fresh air. The big question is not just how many deaths it takes to know that change is needed, it is whether if and when you get change it would have a meaning better than what’s in the APC governance dictionary.