Just before you give your daughter out

A father said he did not know how his son in-law looks like. It would be understandable if this father was not in town and gave approval that marriage to his daughter be contracted on his behalf. In this particular case, this father is in town and his daughter lived under his roof and his care before the wedding day. Then, how come he does not know how his son in-law looks like? I asked myself silently as I listened to the disheartening story. ‘Could this be true, does this kind of situation still happen in this so-called civilized age?’

Najaatu is a 17-year-old who claims she was forcefully married off to one Janaidu in Zamfara State, some weeks to the just-concluded Ramadan. According to her, she returned from a  holiday  only to be informed that she was now a bride and should prepared to move to her husband’s house. She claims that she has only seen her supposed husband only three times at her sister’s place in Kano. Her husband, Janaidu, was in some sort of trouble and at the end of the day she (Najaatu) was arrested in his place. She was in prison for over four weeks in Abuja and the husband in question never cared to show up.

This goes to show the kind of problems most parents, especially mothers, face when trying to take a decision on behalf of their daughters, especially on marriage. Zeenat Ali, an Abuja-based Marriage Counselor, said: “How can one get his or her daughter married off to someone he does not know, all because of money. How much is the worth of the life and safety of his daughter? There is really a problem with our society. Is this the level poverty has taken some of us to? I can’t believe some people can go to the extent of marrying off their daughters without investigating the kind of person the would-be suitor.  There is the dire need for value and ethics to be introduced to school activities. If something happens to the girl, the husband in question can go ahead and get married to someone else. This trend must be curbed in time if we must keep the sanity of the marriage institution.”

A long-thought-dead trend seems to be re-emerging, one that sees teenage girls married off without their consent being sought. An Abuja-based entrepreneur called Ameena Shuaibu, said: “It’s weird how parents decide to who their kids stay with for the rest of their lives without even first seeking the opinion of the child concerned. What if they are two different people who cannot live as a couple, what then happens? Finding the right man is already a big challenge not to talk of imposing someone on your daughter. That it is even a husband the girl did not know very well makes it even worse for her. Najaatu has not even moved to her matrimonial home yet she is already paying for the sins her husband is suspected of committing. With this kind of husband anything could happen. As it is, how can he ensure her safety and comfort? With such a careless person, one day, waking up from the wrong side of his bed, he could Najaatu’s parents that their daughter has run away; and could be hiding the truth of exactly what happened to her.”

Ameena added: “Parents must spare no effort in trying to know the kind of people or persons they give their daughters out in marriage to. It is rather unfortunate that this innocent lady is facing this kind of humiliation all for the sake of a man she hardly knows.”

It is important that parents, especially mothers, take it upon themselves to see to the safety of their daughters. Mothers already know what marriage entails and should be a guiding light for their daughters in situations like this when it arises. For the umpteenth time, let it be said that marriage is a lifetime’s union, as such should not be based on imposition or money. Parents should not forget that whoever marries their daughters is one that is supposed to be their life partner.

For Naajatu, she has life ahead of her, one that if tampered with now, can only leave her in long-term misery. Instead, if more attention is given to her education, she could turn out to be a source of inspiration for her family and maybe be the one to bring the desired end to the family’s poverty in the future. Maybe, if all the pros and cons of a forced marriage are weighed the consequence of serious damage in the lives of young girls could be averted.