Jonathan’s election fever induced dynamism

While we are at it, let me remind you that things have changed with incredible rapidity. Whatever blocked the skies to Borno lifted rapidly this year helping President Jones to visit the beleaguered state twice. First, to rally our gallant but hitherto under-equipped and demoralised troops where he inspected wounded soldiers all clad in their military camouflage. The hospital must have been the cleanest hospital in any war-ravaged city. The soldiers on the bed must be suffering from PTSD or headaches as none had any gunshot or shrapnel wounds. To borrow Akpabio’s patented phrase, that is uncommon transformation. The second campaign visit must have convinced the world that Borno is safe. Shame on the BBC and opposition media houses who daily regale us with sad news that twenty out of 27 local governments have been ceded to Boko Haram.
Give it to this government – you haters! The rails are not only back, but also better. Yes, it still takes between 33 and 43 hours to get to Kano from Lagos, but if you don’t appreciate it, go to France and use the TGV. For the first time in geography, new tracks have emerged. Mr President has commissioned several new stations – for NTA cameras only. After grand commissioning, the coaches disappear and travel on trailers to their next station. There is progress. Regime image launderers remind us the parts are not made in Naija, no thanks they say to Buhari who locked up the vaults of progress 30 years ago and put the keys in the pockets of his babbar riga.
Under normal circumstances, Mr president’s pet is corruption. He reacts to the C-word the way pet owners react to being asked to quarantine them. In the Lagos Declaration he boldly said that he had no plans to quarantine the corrupt; after all, like APC members, they are Naija. He demonizes anyone who even mentions it and sometimes ridicules them, like in Enugu where he derided the jailing of a famous politician who stole less than enough to a tear-rubber Peugeot 504 but was jailed by Buhari. Well elections have changed things; Mr President now vows to tame the behemoth of corruption if his mandate is renewed. And they want to start with archenemy Nyako. That’s progress.
When fighting any insurgency, the army is usually the centre of focus. In Naija, we all love our troops, maybe not so much their cowardly pot-bellied and deceitful commanders. The latter sit in air-conditioned rooms at Ship House and lie their heads off just to titillate our ears. From the rescue of Chibok girls to their denial, to the US arms embargo. They rejected help from the AU and others to quell the insurgency. They’ll rather talk them into a money-guzzling amnesty than defend national integrity. Well, all that has changed recently. We now have an African multinational force with alleged French backing. And pronto, new arms are here – three T-21 have arrived from where? Shhh! A don’t ask, don’t tell policy is in effect, just pray they get the job done before next Sunday. It took them five years to arrive.
There has been progress on a lot of fronts. A FOI request may finally nail the coffin on one of history’s best-kept secrets – President Jones dissertation. A full course meal would have been inclusion of Nnamdi’s transcripts since his certificates were burnt in a house fire. By the way, an inquiry into the veepee’s true nationality won’t be out of place by the way he has been talking about his natural birthplace – Medina. It looks like we’re being partially ruled by the House of Saud and that is unconstitutional.
But while at it, we must not forget the speed with which the forensic audit of NNPC’s missing billions was received, with the President promising a White Paper without setting up a plethora of committees. That too is another milestone in election-fever-induced dynamism.
These are some of the reasons why we should amend the constitution to make elections compulsory whenever our dear country is inured with the virus of dynamic inactivity. The big question is, if it takes this long to induce accountability and dynamism when a mandate renewal is a possibility, what guarantees do we have that the train won’t stall in its tracks when there’s nothing to lose and people can say without scruples – I don’t give a damn?