I woke up this morning feeling blue, pondering where all the happiness disappeared to. At that moment, I remembered when I was younger, full of life and exuberance, always smiling and ready to jump out of bed and start my day. What has changed? How did I get here?
Could it be the fact that I am now a wife and mother, in addition to the responsibilities of being a woman with so much to offer the world? Could it be because I have changed?
Yes, I have changed. I am no longer that slender-looking young lady with ‘perfect curves’, flat tummy, and endearing looks. Yes, life happened. That slender girl is now covered and wrapped in baby fat. Chubby cheeks, protruding tummy, and all that. Oh, don’t forget the bigger arms constantly tagging along.
One would expect that my new appearance is something that people will let me get away with, considering that this change occurred because I decided to bring life into this world, twice. But no, all I hear is how much my appearance has changed.
So, I wonder, am I beyond my appearance? Is this all people see when they look at me? Beauty! Who defines it? Is there more to a girl/woman beyond her physique? Why is the physique all they see and talk about?
Why is the first compliment paid a woman is her beauty and not her brain or mind? Why is an intelligent woman referred to as competitive and not beautiful? They always say “Don’t bother your pretty little head!
Do you see me? The real me; my personality, critical thinking, and oratory skills. Do you see me beyond my Looks? What do they remember after an encounter with me? Is it my smile and my finely lined lips?
How is beauty defined? How do you decide that one is beautiful because her waist is tiny, her skin is flawless even before you speak with her? How come when a woman has a protruding tummy, around the waist, and acne-infested face, she is not considered beautiful?
Who sets the beauty standards that get us all trying to fit into a mould that may eventually change? How come I was once called beautiful but now referred to as fat? Did I stop being beautiful because my body changed? This body will decay after this life is over.
I will not continue to feel blue because I know I am much more than my appearance. I may have changed on the outside, but I am still beautiful because I am that same kind, caring, intelligent and creative girl you once considered beautiful. And contrary to what you think, I am endearing because of all these ageless qualities I possess and not because of my appearance.
Oh that the world will open up their hearts to see my real beauty amidst my imperfections. Oh that they would listen to the intelligent opinions I share, remember the wisdom I raise my voice to communicate, focus on my intellectual prowess. Oh that the cameras would zoom into the positive change and solutions birthed by my hard work instead of my once-curvy-but-now-chubby-body. Happy International Women Day!
Ruth Haruna writes from Lagos
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