Is love enough to make a marriage work?

Marriage brings together two people from different backgrounds, which could be religious, social, educational and even cultural.

The general rule of thumb is that marriage is a celebration of love, which implies that the couple fell in love and decided to culminate it with marriage, though this rule might not hold true for every marriage.

Oxford Dictionary defines love as “an intense feeling of deep affection”. In other words, love means to be deeply committed and connected to someone or something.

People get married for many reasons – procreation, companionship, money, cheap labour, responsibility, religion, culture, compatibility, etcetera. However they are most likely to admit that the union was based on love than any other reasons which invariably means that “love” is more likely to be perceived as a morally right and socially acceptable reason to get married than say ‘money’.

With regards to this, is love enough to make a marriage work? LifeXtra takes a look.

Dilli SanJules, with a few years marriage experience, said that love is not enough.

He said “Marriage is about maturity and compromises. There are many marriages that begin without love. And love only grows. I am yet to find someone who got married only because they were in love. Until after the marriage begins that’s when you begin to love each other, what you have before marriage is liking and infatuation. Love grows after the marriage.

“You need to make other plans too because love alone will not put food on the table neither will it settle quarrels that are bound to come up in the course of the marriage.”

Responding to Lifextra’s question, Eric Dukun opined that love is enough to make a marriage work “because love breeds tolerance.”

He asked “Have you ever wondered why people in love never seem to find faults in their partners?”

Becky Davis, who recently got married, said several “ingredients” have to come together to make marriage work.

She said, “Love is one of the core ingredients that makes a marriage work, but if other core ingredients like trust, honesty and respect aren’t managed properly, the marriage might fail.”

She added that “These ingredients are dependent on one another for a marriage to work.”

Becky however stated that love is the nucleus of all the other ingredients. She said “I believe love is the most important among the ingredients but if not supported by these other ingredients, marriages end up suffering.”

Maureen Onochie, a journalist, says love is not enough as tolerance is one of the basic ingredients that make a marriage work.

She explained that tolerance is very important for a marriage to last. “If you love someone alone, the person might goof or offend you. It is tolerance that will make you stay and forgive the person.”

Maureen added that “So many people fall in love with some qualities in their partners or for some reasons such as wealth. If eventually they get married and the wealth is no longer there, tolerance is what will keep the marriage going.”

Nike Suleiman says love is not the only reason she will consider when she gets married.

She said “Love is not enough reason for marriage because there are so many factors to consider before venturing into marriage. The sweet nothings and chemistry will fade in at most five years and afterwards it becomes a life of patience and respect with your spouse.”

She added that “What one should look out for in a spouse should go beyond love. Yes, love is also important but in the long run it doesn’t hold the marriage. In most successful marriages, you will hear the spouses saying things like ‘I didn’t really like (him or her) that much before marriage, it was with time that the love grew’.”

She says compatibility should be considered to avoid boredom. “Look for your friend, someone you won’t easily get bored of, and someone whose interests are similar to yours. In my opinion, the love thing shouldn’t be given too much importance.”