Is confrontation really necessary?

There are many people who cannot handle confrontation and begin to shiver at the likelihood of having one. ‘They lose control of their voice pitch and they want to hit out and cannot control their thoughts properly. It can be frustrating when someone is dressing you down and you can’t argue back because you are drained by confrontation jitters. This is the ‘flight or fight’ syndrome kicking in and it pumps adrenaline throughout your body in readiness to kick someone’s backside or in readiness to run away from someone you think might kick your backside. It is your body getting prepared. Perceiving the difference is meant to help you de-escalate the fear attached to being in a confrontational situation.

The truth is confrontation is not the only way you can resolve an issue of misunderstanding. There are times when it is helpful, but there are also times when it blows a simple issue way out of proportion. This is a challenging situation that is a major part of circumstances we face daily. Being able to tell when to use confrontation can help one to minimize trouble associated with it

It is therefore, best to totally avoid confrontation and simply stay away from any action that could provoke it. It is important for you to be aware of your environment and the company you keep. You have to think before you speak and be slow about making an aggressive move as well as be skeptical about joining the crowd.

Clarissa Steffen, psychologist and author of Dare to be Different, offers tips on how to deal with confrontations if you must have them.

Rehearse verbally by talking out loud to hear your own voice in response to confrontation. This may work best with a therapist; however, if you have a safe person with whom you can rehearse, this can also be helpful. Make key points of your argument.

Examine your problem solving skills and determine whether or not avoiding confrontation will not solve your problem. If so, you may need to add tolerance for confrontation in your problem solving skills set.

Keep focused on your desired outcome. If avoiding confrontation will keep you from reaching your goal; refocus on your desired outcome.

Get to know what triggers your anger and prepare a new response to that trigger. By doing this, you are aware of the buttons people can push to elicit a certain response. When you know your own triggers, it is less likely that someone who pushes the buttons could make you flare up since you are prepared already.

Make the person aware of how confrontational they are being. By saying something like ‘why are you shouting at me?’ or ‘Why are you being so aggressive’, this turns the energy back on the person and allows them look at themselves for a minute. This might calm them down as a lot of people get lost in the moment of confrontation and don’t realise they are being aggressive.

Another way is to turn all the attention back on the person you are arguing with. ‘You seem really angry about that!’; ‘You look as if you’re really pissed off?’ Again, this can have the same effect of calming the person down.

Don’t get sucked into their arguments. The purpose of an argument is to manipulate you into losing the argument thereby showing the other person they have won and they are superior. If you don’t get sucked in, there is no argument to win and you come out the better person.