Is a present always a gift in all circumstances?

A gift to someone goes to show the love or care you have for that person but when a gift is returned, what does it connote? A friend’s sister narrated her experience thus: “I gave my mother-in-law a set of kitchen utensils as a birthday gift. It was an expensive set, a high brand. She returned the gift after a few days, saying I could give it to someone else in my family who needs it. I was angry but it got me thinking, did I do something wrong?”
After a heated debate and arguments from friends, many concluded that she was wrong to have given her mother-in-law such a gift, while others were of the opinion that a gift is a gift.
Hajara Sani Musa argued that the lady in question should not be blamed for her choice of gift for her mother-in-law:“A gift is a gift she gave her because she thought the gift was worth it. If it was really of the quality she explained then I’m sorry to say that the mother-in-law was just being ungrateful. She might as well return a wrapper or jewellery if she was given. I would suggest she ask politely why the gift was returned and if there is no reasonable response, tell her husband and next time she should be careful what she gives to her. Most importantly, do not stop being nice to her even if she is mean.”
On the other hand, Martha Okafor thinks that the mother-in-law is too old for such a gift: “As the mother of your husband she would prefer the latest wrapper, handbags, jewelleries which she can use to show off among her mates. She hardly goes to the kitchen, so why give her kitchen utensils? She is meant to give you that kind of gift and not the other way round.”
Some argued that the mother-in-law might have been instigated by some people into giving the gift back. Mrs Adekunle Thomas advises that: “Something could have gone wrong. She returned it after a few days, go back to her humbly and ask if she didn’t like it or something went wrong and tell her your thoughts behind the gift. Take something along that you know she will like and give it to her on your knees, opened so she can see it. If she rejects again, apologise and bring it to the attention of her son. We want to try as much as possible to remain in their good books because we are future mother-in-laws too!”
Just like there were reasonable arguments, there are also some that may appear a bit surprising. “I have had a piece of cloth and traditional scarf or head wrapper gift sent to the shrine because my mother-in-law said I wanted to bewitch her. I would advise that she should not keep the gift in her house. I am speaking from experience. Pray over it and give it to a needy person. Do not even bring it to your home. By their deeds they shall be known. Hold on to your God,” Agnes Benjamin says.
As the arguments got heated, so did tempers and opinions. Miriam Abioye says: “I am sorry to say this but your mother-in-law was plain rude and ungrateful. Mother-in-law or not, she had no right to return the gift after she had collected it, the least she could have done was to say thank you, keep the gift and maybe joke about it the next day to say: ‘my dear daughter, thank you for the wonderful gift but you know with old age catching up, I hardly go to the kitchen,’ she could have suggested an exchange. Next time get her a shopping voucher so she makes her choice.”
Abioye adds that the mother-in-law returned the gift because she felt insulted: “She interpreted it to mean that her kitchen utensils are out-dated. Please let’s call a spade a spade! The kitchen utensils were a gift and no matter how small or cheap they were it was still a gift. She should have given it out to someone else if she didn’t appreciate it. May be she expected more than that from her. Don’t show anger or attitude please, just forget, ignore and let it pass. But truly, give it away because it will always serve as a reminder when you see them. She is your mother-in-law and probably thinks you are passing a message across to her with your gift.”
“In your mother-in-law’s defence, I believe any kitchen item is a wrong choice of gift item for her. It simply says to her ‘your kitchen items are out-dated and in dire need of change,’ which could be insulting especially if she is the educated and exposed type. Most people with ego and class will feel same if they were in her shoes. Her returning theutensils may be rude but better for you because she has spoken her mind instead of dealing with you quietly. My advice is that you get her a nice wrapper George or Hollandais, if you can afford it and any nice one that is within your budget and apologise. After that watch if she reciprocates your gesture so you will know how to relate. But keep in mind she isn’t your mum so don’t expect you know everything she might like as a gift.
On my part she deserves more than kitchen utensils from you. You would have given her the kitchen item on a neutral day. Next time take her out shopping and pay attention to things she admires then you can get her whatever she admired most in the shop as a surprise. Mother-in-laws are important no matter the point of view we look at them from. Nevertheless, a gift is a gift but make sure whatever gift you are giving is truly deserving of the recipient.”
Nobody dictates the kind of gift to receive as long as whoever gives it, is doing so from the heart. A gift is a gift. Take time to study your mother- in-law, understand what she likes or doesn’t like; for many it’s the thought and respect that counts and nothing more.