Violent uprisings, especially in northern Nigeria, that led to the death of thousands of men or displacements have altered family settings, culture and tradition causing women to assume responsibility as heads of households.
Through the 13 years of Boko Haram insurgency in the North East, protracted farmers/herders crisis in the North Central and banditry in the North West, thousands of men who were traditionally the breadwinners of the family have been killed, a development that has forced their widows to shoulder the responsibility of providing for the children.
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Also, findings by our correspondents across the North indicate that though still alive, there are many husbands who have lost their sources of livelihood due to crises and other factors that have rendered them unable to take care of their families.
The economic meltdown of the last few days aggravated by the COVID-19 pandemic has also forced many husbands out of jobs, leaving their traditional roles to their wives.
Many women, who are barely educated, engage in petty trading and menial jobs to cater for the family.
Checks revealed that there are no exact figures of women that are now breadwinners; or the number of children that depend on their mothers for survival in the absence of their fathers.
However, in Borno State for instance, which is the epicentre of the Boko Haram crisis, Governor Babagana Zulum in August last year raised concern over the rising cases of orphans and widows in the state since the beginning of the insurgency.
After a meeting with President Muhammadu Buhari at the Presidential Villa in Abuja, Zulum in an interview with reporters decried the impact of insurgency which, he said, had gravely affected the livelihoods of the people of the state.
“We have estimated a total number of over 50,000 orphans and widows; these are official figures, the unofficial figures are more than these, and we were able to cultivate not more than three per cent of our total arable land because of the insurgents.
“And right now, the whereabouts of not less than 10 per cent of the people of Borno State is not known to us at all. This is a very serious matter,” Zulum said.
The Federal Ministry of Women Affairs and Social Development estimated that there are 17.5 million Orphans and Vulnerable Children (OVC) in Nigeria.
Also, the World Bank in a July 2021 report estimated that 4,000 Nigerian children lost one or both parents between March 2020 and July 2021 due to COVID-19-associated deaths.
These developments have posed a fresh challenge to many women who would wish their husbands were around with them.
But they have had to contend with the burden of becoming the family head which is too much for some of them to bear.
Children who have lost their fathers to harsh incidents like war are forced to stay with only their mothers.
The emotional and mental stress they endure is unimaginable, observers said.
During the latest World Day of War Orphans observed on January 6, women turned breadwinners in many states spoke on their ordeals.
‘I break stones; do menial jobs to feed my children’
Mrs Hannatu Isyaku, a widow, told one of our correspondents that the death of husbands is like a “violent assault against their wives.”
While narrating her experience as a mother while sitting on the bare flow of a broken soak-away at her residence in Minna, the Niger State capital, Hannatu said her husband, a police officer, died 10 years ago.
She said his death left an unenviable responsibility on her as she is now the breadwinner of the family.
Hannatu said the struggle at times left her feeling overburdened with responsibility.
The mother of five said one of her sons has dropped out of secondary school because she didn’t have money to pay for his Senior School Certificate Examination as the little she gets goes for feeding.
She said with no assistance from her husband’s relatives, the responsibility of bringing up her children and providing for the family in the last 10 years is becoming tedious on a daily basis especially with the current economic situation.
“I am lucky my husband was able to build this house which we are staying in now. So, I am saved from the payment of rent. I break stones which I sell and I also pack sand and sell to truck drivers who in turn sell to their customers carrying out construction works.
“I also sell firewood. I work as a cleaner in the Niger State Secretariat where I am paid N10,000 monthly. With these, I have been able to survive along with my children.”
She said her daughter who completed from the Kaduna State Polytechnic had applied to join the police twice, but without success.
“My son has also applied to join the Air Force two times, but he hasn’t got it either.
“I am also into farming. Sometimes, we don’t eat more than two times but nobody knows because we don’t go out to beg or complain.”
She said she treks about three kilometres, from Abdulsalami Quarters, Minna, to the state secretariat where she works as a casual staff and cleaner.
On her part, Malama Zainab Tijjani, whose husband died on October 6, 2021, one year after their wedding and four months after she was delivered of her first baby, said living without her husband has not been easy.
She said, “He was everything to me and my little daughter. When my late husband was alive, he was my playmate. Since his death, nobody is there for us.”
Trouble more pronounced in Borno
In Borno State, the trend is more pronounced among widows who lost their husbands to killings by insurgents, divorces and a few other women living together with their husbands.
Investigations indicate that the affected women are striving and hustling in markets and other public places for means of livelihood for their respective families.
Some of them engage in various services like making hair beads, knitting of caps, tailoring and working as housemaids, as well as menial jobs in markets and workshops to earn a living.
A widow at Bolori Area in Maiduguri, Hadiza Mustapha, who is a mother of nine told Daily Trust Saturday that her husband was killed by Boko Haram insurgents in 2014.
She said the burden of taking the responsibility of the family is a tedious one, which has compelled her to work as a housemaid.
“I was lucky to get employed as a housemaid by a well-to-do family in Gamboru where I work for 12 hours daily. I cook the main family meals twice, breakfast and lunch, wash plates and wash their children’s clothes.
“Fortunately, my employer asked me to always take two plates of food to my children anytime I cooked their meals apart from my monthly salary. This gesture of giving me food keeps my family from suffering from hunger because I use the salary to buy some basic needs and pay school fees. During the Ramadan, they also donate food items and cash which I use to buy new clothes for my children. Sometimes they donate used clothes to my children.”
Another widow and mother of six, Falmata Usman, a displaced victim of the insurgents from Baga now selling food at Monday Market, told Daily Trust Saturday that coping with the responsibility of the family is tough.
“I am battling to manage the feeding of my family because there is no one to help. My husband was killed by Boko Haram eight years ago and the situation forced me to become a single parent. I feed and shelter my six children.
“We first stayed at an IDP camp for 11 months and worked as a maid for seven months to get some small capital to start a business. I decided to start selling danwake from which I raised money to rent a room and parlour.
“Due to the challenges, I have developed hypertension and have been struggling to manage myself. I am praying to God to bless my children so that one day I can rest.”
A divorcee at Shehuri area of the metropolis, Bintu Mohammed, said being the head of the family is difficult.
“Nine years ago, my husband divorced me and sent me and my seven children back to my family home. All my parents are late and I became the head of the family. After some months, I decided to sell all my belongings with the exception of a bed and mattresses which we use.
“I used the money to start a business. I went to Kano to buy clothing materials. The business was going smoothly but the expenses of running the family – especially school fees, health challenges of children and pressing needs – consumed the capital.
“When I got another capital, I decided to start selling cooked food in the market. I am using the proceeds to take care of the children. It is not easy for a woman to take responsibility of the family. What pains me most is that throughout this time, the father of my children was still living in Maiduguri. He visited us only once.
“If he has issues and hates me, I don’t think the children have also offended him. I will continue to strive to ensure that I give my children the best to become responsible members of the society,” Bintu said.
Another woman, who is living with her husband at Federal Low Cost Area and preferred not to be named, told Daily Trust Saturday that her husband’s indisposition compelled her to take over the responsibility of the family.
“My husband has been sick for five years… After his retirement from service, I took over the responsibility of the family especially providing food and other essential needs, clothing and school fees of the children.
“We have seven children and all are going to school with one studying in the university. This is apart from the burden of medical expenses of my husband. It is not easy for a woman to take the responsibility of the family but Allah is the source of my ability to keep the family on course.”
In Niger State, Malama Fatima Mohammed said she lost her husband after a minor surgery at a hospital in Minna. She told Daily Trust Saturday that though her husband’s brother is assisting by taking the responsibility for payment of her children’s school fees, she is responsible for their clothing and feeding.
“I do menial jobs and sell one or two wares to survive. In the event nobody patronised my products, I sleep without eating anything.
“Taking my child to hospital, clothing and other responsibilities are making life extremely challenging,” she said.
Other women said the absence of their husbands was taking a toll on their children.
Teni Alfa said she has been struggling with her children to survive.
“Before my husband died, I was into buying and selling unprocessed melon which I still do. My eldest son does menial jobs to assist me. Recently, when he went to do the mixing work at a building site, he sustained an injury on his finger when a block fell on it. ”
To Philby Ahmadu, 45, the battle for survival has further opened her eyes to understand the role husbands play in providing for the family.
“I sell okpa to pay their school fees and provide food. We live in a rented house. I work as a cleaner on N10,000 monthly salary. Whenever I receive my pay, I divide it into three – one part is for food, the second is saved for the children’s school fees and the last part is used to do other things.
“Every day, I spend N250 on transport to my place of work. I prepare my okpa as early as possible and bring it to my place of work. When I close from work by 2pm, I go to hawk okpa up till evening.”
Also speaking, another widow, Rakiya Umar, said she lost her husband many years ago, adding that their marriage was blessed with four children.
“One of my sons has stopped schooling. He now follows bricklayers as a labourer. It has not been easy for us. But with help from Allah, we are surviving. I am also into farming, especially during the rainy season. The basic challenge is the payment of school fees for my children.
“Any time they return from school with the issue of payment of school fees or some other request, I do feel frustrated. My daughter wanted to study nursing after her secondary school but couldn’t because I don’t have money to sponsor her.”
Mrs Mary Kande Gideon, whose husband, a former staff of the National Electric Power Authority (NEPA) lost his job following privatisation of the power sector, said she took over the responsibility of the family many years ago as her husband could not provide for them.
“My husband is alive and healthy. He was a staff of NEPA but when it was privatised, he was relieved of his job. Now, he is not doing anything. I am the one struggling to take care of my children and the husband too.
“I have five children. They have all finished their secondary education but they couldn’t proceed to a higher level because I don’t have money to sponsor them. I have learned tailoring, so, I sew clothes and I also sell fairly used clothes. I have lost weight because of hardship.
“My husband doesn’t assist in any way. All he does is wait for me to return to prepare food from my purse and eat. Some days, feeding is a problem. Some days I would have to beg to feed. I can’t recall when I last ate fish, let alone meat. And the worst of it is that we live in a rented room and parlour. I am the one paying the rent.”
I sell children wares to survive – Katsina woman
Like in many other states, Katsina has a number of women that have taken the responsibility of being the heads of their families following the deaths of their husbands either due to banditry or other causes.
Malama Hajara Yakubu is one of such widows who must fend for the family left behind by her husband who died of hepatitis.
“Life was very hard after his death because I was not used to being the one to fend for the family. But as they say, ‘Necessity is the mother of invention,’ I realised that the little we had could not take us anywhere. So I began to buy some children’s wares which I sell for a little profit.
“Allah in His mercy blessed the business such that whatever I get from some good Samaritans, either from his relatives or from mine, I add to my little capital. It has grown now such that I even go to Kano to purchase my goods – mostly clothing materials such as women wrappers and children wares,” she said.
On their part, Murjanatu and Fatima Muhammad who lost their husband took up some menial jobs in Katsina metropolis where they are taking refuge as a result of banditry in Jibia Local Government Area of the state.
Murjanatu, the first wife, who took the responsibility of being the head of the family of 17, said life has been hard for them since the ugly incidents that displaced them from their villages.
“We were displaced by bandits sometime in 2020. On the day we were dispersed, about 40 people were killed in our village and some of us had to run for our lives. Men, women and children, including pregnant women, were all running helter-skelter to safety and I still remember a pregnant woman that delivered twins in the process one of which was stillborn while the other was alive. But in utter confusion, she carried the dead on her back and put the one alive in a rubber container, and by the time we got to the main road, the one alive had also died.
“We are a family of 17. Our husband had two wives and I am the first, and she was my co-wife. Having seen what we have gone through, we have no other option than to cooperate.
“I sell pap in the morning while she sells same in the evening. With the proceeds and with food support from Alhaji Dahiru Mangal, and from the house of the emir, we are able to survive here. We also do some other menial jobs such as pounding and threshing of grains like millet and corn.”
Similarly, Asabe Muhammad Sani from Batsari Local Government Area of the state said it was bandits that killed her husband and many others in her village.
“The day they attacked us at least seven gunmen were in my room, they collected all I had and carted away our sheep and goats. My husband was kidnapped along with others but he eventually died in the hands of their abductors and left me with six children.
“I used to fry bean cake (akara) but with time I lost the capital and we are now living at the mercy of some relatives with my children,” she said.
Similarly, life for Ukuma Jooji, a widow displaced from Kaseyo in Guma Local Government Area of Benue State in December 2020 has never been the same as she struggles daily to put food on the table for her family.
Jooji is one among many women who decry the situation which has befallen their households due to farmers/herders clashes in the state and other crises which caused thousands to desert their homes for the Internally Displaced Persons (IDPs) camps.
“Nobody is in our village now. The entire village is deserted following incessant attacks on our area during which many people have been killed. I have lost my husband and my son was killed in the process by herders,” she said.
In Sokoto, Maman Nafisa, an aged woman is living with her little daughter in a room made from zinc erected for them by a helper. She lost her husband some years ago and ever since, has become the breadwinner of her family.
Speaking to Daily Trust Saturday, she said her husband hailed from a village in Tambuwal local government of Sokoto State and was running an Almajiri school before his death.
According to Maman Nafisa, her predicament started a few months after his death when their house rent expired and had no option but to vacate the house.
“I use to go out to do some menial jobs in order to raise money and feed my family. But it is not always business as usual as sometimes, I will return without getting anything and that is how we will go to bed, hungry,” she said.
Malama Ladidi Bawa, a mother of four, assumed the role of breadwinner in her home about two years ago. According to her, the mantle became hers when her husband lost his job during the COVID-19 pandemic when the company he was working for downsized its workforce.
“After he lost his job, life as a family became too difficult for us and he couldn’t get another job. I sold my wedding jewellery and raised capital for a restaurant business. Since then, the mantle of being the breadwinner has been on my head and before my husband’s death he assisted me in managing the business,” said Ladidi.
She explained that though it wasn’t easy, circumstances have made her take the role, adding that she learned to respect men the most when she became the breadwinner in her family.
Hajiya Aishatu Bello Zango is a 49-year-old mother of eight who is into tricycle transport business.
According to her, for over 10 years, she has been shouldering the family’s responsibilities including that of her 67-year-old retired husband.
“My retired husband is now an employee in my tricycle business and I have been taking the responsibilities of my family which is something I never thought I would do.”
A social worker, Asmaú Baba, said many women have psychological problems because of the situation they have now found themselves in.
“I strongly believe that northern women are the most disadvantaged for many reasons. One, many of them get married off before they complete their studies and therefore remain as full-time housewives. Secondly, the opportunities are not there for them to become self-reliant unlike some of their counterparts in other parts of the country,” she said.
Asked what should be done to assist thousands of women now suffering, she said governments at the national, state and local levels have roles to play.
“They should stop paying lip service to the plight of women. Wrong interpretations of religion and culture have narrowed the opportunities for women. They should be empowered without prejudice to their basic role. We are not saying women are equal to men,” she said.
Efforts to reach the Federal Ministry of Women Affairs to get information on how cases of widows and the increasing number of women breadwinners are being handled were futile as personnel in charge of such information weren’t available at the time of the request.
Contacts at the National Council of Women Societies could not comment on the development.
One of them said a formal request should be made before sensitive information would be released.
Professor Pat Utomi had in 2021 advocated for laws to protect the widow’s rights in Nigeria. In the report, Utomi had mentioned that the ordeal faced by a friend of his who died of cancer had led him into setting the Pat Utomi Widows Support Centre (WSC), believing that widows are faced with many difficulties.
“We obviously seek to bring to the fore many of the issues around legislation on the rights of women and rights of families.
“So, we seek a change of the laws to make sure that those who try to make lives of widows miserable get some consequences for their behaviour,” he said.
From Abubakar Akote (Minna), Tijjani Ibrahim (Katsina), Abubakar Auwal (Sokoto), Hope Abah Emmanuel (Makurdi) & Hassan Ibrahim (Maiduguri)
