‘Ingratitude hurts, especially from a child’

Ingratitude! thou marble-hearted fiend, More hideous when thou show’st thee in a child Than the sea-monster – William Shakespeare Quotes, (‘King Lear’).
‘Ingratitude hurts, and it hurts even more when it is from a child.’ These were words of Griselda Carrasco (Sonya Smith) in tv series ‘Husband for hire’ who plays the character of a handyman.
She is a strong-spirited fighter, a hardworking and humble woman who is dedicated to working as a handyman to keep a family of three children and one grandchild after her husband was lost at sea 15 years ago. She has made the most sacrifices for her son Antonio who is a medical student at university. Regardless how much effort she has made towards ensuring she gives him the best that she can afford, Antonio is embarrassed of her so much so that he says to her face. Antonio is overly ambitious and ashamed of his humble upbringing, especially his
other’s lack of education and appearance. It is an admittance which has caused her so much pain she shares her feelings with her friend describing her son’s actions as such.
Indeed ingratitude is something that hurts us especially when it comes from the most unlikely suspect. A respondent shared her experience and got tips from an expert on how best to tackle such a situation.
Lilian Agim said: “Her words couldn’t be any truer than that. I watched that particular episode and could absolutely feel the depth of her pain as she spoke because I knew where she was coming from.”
Agim is a 63 year-old mother of two girls. She lost her first husband just six years after their daughter was born. Eight years after, she remarried and had a second daughter. She said: “This second marriage was a mistake which my first daughter, now 32, blames me for every day of our lives.
“I had to move out of the house and start all over after four years. By then my daughter was a teenager and couldn’t come to terms with the fact that things were different now and we needed time to get back on our feet,” she said.
The retired banker said: “She became rebellious and would openly criticise and embarrass me sometimes even in public. I fought back and took charge as best as I could but our relationship was fast on the decline and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t quite understand the reason for her anger or how best to tackle it.”
She said: “To have her show such ingratitude towards me, after all I did, is not an experience I wish anyone else to go through. Maybe if I had sons, I would have made out time for myself more. Being girls I felt the need to protect and be there for them as much as they needed me to.
“Like Griselda did, I called her to have a heart-to-heart talk with her to know what the problem was.
“Her complains were mainly about feeling embarrassed of our new accommodation, not being able to bring her friends over and preferring to go to them instead. When I got thoroughly exhausted, my mother stepped in and asked me to send her over.”
Agim said her daughter became calmer but still expressed some distance towards her. “This tore my heart and would give me sleepless nights. The pain was so much I would almost literarily hold it in my hands. I was living my life for both my girls and didn’t bother too much about investing in myself.”
Over time, as she’s gotten older their relationship was improving, but Agim thinks some part of it was lost that they may never get back as mother and daughter.
A counsellor and pastor, Somto Okoye said sometimes many parents are over-indulging of their children especially when they have been dealt a hard blow in life and do not know at what point they should draw the line.
She said: “It is quite easy, especially for mothers to fall prey to such manipulations from their children. It usually happens when such a parent is going through their emotional demons and tries to shield their children from going through such.”
According to the mother of one: “It would help them if from the onset they put their children in the know of what was going on.”
She added that: “I am also emphasising here that parents should not then use such an opportunity to pawn their kids against one another. “Let the child know what the reality of the situation is. Your financial status should not be a secret to your children. While you make your challenges known to them, you should also encourage them to look on to a brighter future. Such a situation should rather make you bond not tear you apart.
“Parents shouldn’t feel ashamed to admit their mistakes when they do, and they also shouldn’t torture or beat themselves when such happens,” she emphasised.