Last week, along with many Nigerians, my social media timeline was flooded with video after video of the burial of the now-famous Obi Cubana’s mother. I watched with amazement at the inglorious display of wealth as the billionaires of the South East broke the internet with their Dollar rain. My wonder was not necessarily at the amount of foreign currency being flaunted, rather it was at the myriad of emotions which emanated from their collective faces: sheer, undulated happiness. These people drank, danced and joked with each other. I watched as they partied and celebrated, and for a moment, I envied their ability to experience such happiness in the midst of much suffering in the country.
And it was not just Nigeria alone, amidst all the homelessness and poverty in the United States, billionaires Bezos and Branson raced each other to see who would be the first to fly to space, with Bezos in the lead when he was launched into space on the 20th of July. All over the world, people lamented about the amount of money spent just to send one man into space for a few minutes. Long epistles were written and debates raged on international news channels about how that money could have been put to better use. But that is all in the past now, as Bezos has fulfilled a lifelong wish he has nursed since childhood; that is, to travel to space. His money, his dream. Simply, he did what made him happy.
I have often met patients, colleagues, friends, and family who have come to me with a common complaint: ‘Doctor, ba na jin dadi’. Loosely, it translates to ‘Doctor, I don’t feel happy. However, In the Hausa language, this phrase can be used when someone feels physically unwell, as is majorly the case. But sometimes, I have discovered that what these people really want to say is that they do not feel happy. A patient whom I can describe as financially well to do and who has been managed for depression for several years once asked me: ‘Doctor, why does happiness elude me so?’
Sadly, I had no answer.
The search for happiness is as old as mankind. Hedonism, an ancient Greek philosophy, stated that the chief end of man was happiness. Democritus, who lived in 460 BC, said, “Happiness is the object of our conduct.” And Aristippus, a pupil of Socrates, put it this way: “The most intense pleasure is the highest good and is the aim of life.”
Even in the two major religions: Christianity and Islam, Eternal happiness in heaven, is what we are encouraged to strive for while on earth. We are told that the happiness in this world is a mere fraction of what eternal bliss awaits us if we forsake certain pleasures while we are on earth. That is why we fast, with our tongues and our hearts, our bodies and our strength so that we may attain eternal happiness.
But, in the meantime, while we are here on earth, what can we do? Why are some people naturally cheerful while some are not? Why do you see some people joyful, when they have a thousand and one reasons not to be? I once asked a friend who had lost both parents in childhood and was currently struggling financially how come she was always happy. This woman had three children, all of whom had sickle cell disease and was herself asthmatic. However, she is the most cheerful person I have ever met. Ever ready with a smile and a joke, she is the one most of her friends run to for advice whenever they need a sounding board. She simply smiled as she said to me: ‘I take life as it comes.’
Throughout history, people have searched for happiness in every manner they can- through wealth, fame, beauty, power, sex and religion. Yet we have failed woefully. Marilyn Monroe had everything that many seem to think brings happiness—beauty, wealth, fame, sex appeal, and popularity—but she ended her life in suicide. Same with Michael Jackson and a lot of celebrities and motivational speakers who have achieved fame and fortune. They all died miserably.
Happiness is good. It provides us with a sense of optimism, a “take on the world” attitude and positivity that can be infectious. It improves our health and as many studies have shown it even improves our body’s immune system. Being happy protects our cardiovascular system and it is a fact that happy people live longer. A meta-analysis shows that everyone attempts to find happiness in three ways: Doing good for others; doing things you’re good at, and doing things that are good for you.
It is no secret that the older we grow, the more problems we face: Emotional, financial and social problems will lure their ugly heads at every turn we make. We lose our happy-go-lucky attitude along the way and become more subdued.
In recent years, as I come more and more in contact with friends and patients with depression or simply going through a rough patch in life, I try to observe what it is that makes them happy, albeit temporarily. Sadly, for some it is drugs. Many have succumbed to the lure of drugs for the temporary ‘high’ it provides them. A patient once referred to it as ‘being on cloud nine and another woman said it is ‘the greatest feeling of blissful happiness she has ever experienced.’ Others look for it in sex: having multiple partners, visiting brothels or having affairs. Like one man once confessed, ‘It is the adrenaline surge, the fear of being caught, that makes life exciting.’
For some, it is in amassing wealth and the things money can buy: Luxury cars, planes, clothes and vacations. Happiness, for some, is being the most expensively dressed at the party or owning a fleet of cars. It is wearing heavy, expensive jewellery around one’s neck and being admired by all. It is the ‘yes sir, no sir’ that people chant adoringly when you walk into a building; wielding power.
And for some, it is the comfort of prayer, seclusion and religion that makes life worth living.
As I said, happiness is a lot of things to different people.
However, while happiness is good, it itself is not a worthwhile goal to live for. To be happy all of the time is unreal, as happiness is only one of life’s great emotions. To be in touch with all of one’s feelings is more important than being happy all of the time. Feeling sad, hurt, angry, afraid, and unhappy at the appropriate times is normal and healthy.
Knowing this, I have since learnt not to judge. People are entitled to seek their temporary happiness in whatever way they want to as long as it is acceptable by law and culture. This life is hard enough as it is and while we pray for eternal happiness, there is nothing wrong with experiencing a piece of it on earth. Whether it is by Dollar rain or by jetting off to space, mankind will continue to be in pursuit of this emotion called happiness.
May we always have a reason to be happy.
