Scholars are always admonishing us to marry good women of exemplarycharacter, I’m doing my best praying for such a woman that I will love deep in my heart.
I met one through social media and we have been together, chatting online for more than 2 years. She has good habits that make me want to be with her, she’s patient and sensible, she gives me good advice on personal matters, she knows how to talk, I really like that aspect of her!
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We really understand each other most of the time even though I have never met her physically. Right now she’s the only one I love and want to marry.
My parents are not aware of all this but they have made it clear I can choose anyone I like. My confusion is this: sometimes I feel like it’s impossible for us to get married, we should just quit and stop wasting our time, because we live in different states faraway from each other, our parents are not acquainted with each other and she lives in one of the troubled states with kidnappers and bandits roaming about freely, so honestly I’m scared to visit her in this insecure situation. She keeps begging me to visit her but I still couldn’ summon the courage to do it. So what is the solution to my dilemma and how can I take this to the next stage?
Confused Romeo.
Dear Confused,
My advice to you is one word: courage! Both In love and in war, courage is needed to succeed. You have to do either of these two options:
Man up and initiate things that will take your relationship to the next stage by first informing your parents, they will support you and guide you to the best way of achieving your aims; then summon the courage to travel to that state and meet your heartthrob in person and follow that up with necessary preparation that will take the relationship to culmination.
Or man up and quit this relationship as soon as possible so she can find someone near to marry her or even someone from afar that has the courage to do the needful which you couldn’t.
If you decided to take this relationship to the next stage, be sure to do an in depth investigation about the character of your intended lady, I’m not doubting your judgment but the world is so full of fraudsters, it happens that ladies will present the most Exemplary characters and religious adherence, until after the marriage you will find out they are completely opposite of what they have been portraying. The best way to escape this is to investigate the actual character of the person you intended to marry and also the character of her parents and how they conduct their marital relationship, because what has been done in the house she grew up in is 70 percent what she will also do in her own marital house. It’s important to find out especially how her mother treats her father, that’s most probably how she will treat you too.
And If you are really deeply confused about taking the next step in this relationship then perhaps you can choose to do nothing, as they say, ‘when in doubt, do nothing.’ Or you can try this, perhaps it will aid you in reaching the right decision:
“Imagine your heartthrob preparing to marry someone else, imagine the tender feelings she has for you now changed to someone else’s, imagine her smiling at him, deeply caring for him, sharing things with him, living together with him etc.”
If it’s easy on your senses, then it will be easy to let her go. But if it chuck your mind and gutted your spirit, then know that you will suffer a lot of heartache by quiting the relationship.
Help! My sister in law is
abusing my kids!
Dear Nabilah,
I have a younger sister that was very pretty with fairer skin and long tresses of hair while I was a normal brown girl with no particular prettiness though I was not ugly either. While we were growing up, everyone prefer my sister to me, they always sought her attention, cuddle her and chat her up while most people simply ignores me and it mostly never bothers me as I was a very quiet girl, except one aunt that went overboard by always bringing gifts to my sister excluding me, beautiful toys that every child would love to own, expensive clothes, taking her to various outings or to escort her to different places just so she can show her up. It still hurts me up to this day.
And now married with children of my own and one of them is exactly my sister’s look alike with the same cuteness and prettiness, naturally people are giving her more attention than the other children especially one of my sister in law who singled her out as her special daughter excluding the others and so giving her special treatment and gifts different from the other kids almost exactly like it’s done to me and my Sister. How do I make her treat them all equally without showing preferences? My Sister in law is a nice and kindly woman, I don’t want to hurt her feelings, please advise me on the best way to put a stop to this subtle abuse.
Concerned Mother
Dear Concerned,
Since your sister in law is such a nice and kindly woman I’m sure she will understand and adjust her ways of interaction with your children if you narrate to her how the same behavior affects and hurts you and how you are still carrying the wound of that unequal treatment.
Children are not material things to be loved and admired based on their physical attributes, ‘abuse’ is certainly the correct level for such behaviors as it’s very harmful to psychological and emotional well-being of children.
