‘How we cope with nagging husbands’

Though women are always known as the ones to nag, but men, too, do nag. People are familiar with women due to the societal perception of the womenfolk.

“My husband nags, but I ignore him. At first, I thought apologising would make him calm down or stop repeatedly talking about the same situation. But no, he nags even when the issue may not warrant it,” said Fatima Sagir.

Fatima is one of several women that have to contend with a nagging husband.

“Although the term nagging is typically applied to women, it is something that men do as well. A man who nags is often referred to as demanding or domineering and masculine and nagging may sound a bit different as well.

“A nagging wife might whine or plead, whereas a husband may yell and demand. So, while women are considered irritating when they nag, men are often looked upon as tyrannical, controlling or having anger issues,” Lorin Harott an online counsellor, said.

“So I learnt to start ignoring him. Whenever he nags, I just leave the living room or bedroom or wherever the situation maybe. Sometimes I leave the house for him and tell him if he does not stop talking about the issue I am not coming back. Basically I learned to leave him alone because I do not have the energy,” Sagir said.

While Sagir ignores or walks away, another housewife that pleaded anonymity said such situations at times escalate into a ‘fight.’

“Whenever he nags, I don’t keep quiet, we talk and shout until one of us gets tired. Sometimes he cools down whenever he realizes that I am getting angry and anything might happen. The way he nags upsets me and so sometimes we turn the house upside down before one of us cools down,” she said.

A civil servant in Abuja who also pleaded anonymity said the husband nags ‘almost about every issue especially when he had a bad day in the office.’ She said he picks offense at almost ‘everything’, with the children the victims due to their innocence.

“Whenever it occurs, I always ensure the children are put to bed earlier and I limit what I say to him until he cools down; anything that would make him laugh rather than allow it turn into a quarrel. There are times I have to beg him to eat as he might refuse to eat because I did not put the food on the table on time, forgetting that I also work and we return home almost the same time,” she said, adding at times effort to talk him out of a tiff went unsuccessful.

Harott described nagging as a communication breakdown, “At its best this communication breakdown will need a reset. Couples will have to take some time to step back and re-evaluate how they communicate and start making the effort at working together again. If it goes on too long, this breakdown can lead to hurtful statements and resentment. Then things can be harder and take much longer to get over.”