In a Whatsapp chat group, there was a story about a lady who dated a guy for over ten years and then he left her for someone else. People’s responses were generally that they dated for too long. Ten years was such a long time.
Early this year, the story of a Lagos socialite who met and married a man all under a year went viral when news broke that the marriage has hit the rocks less than 10 months after the flamboyant wedding. People blamed the marriage failure on lack of enough time to get to know each other.
This begs the question: How long should one date before getting married? LifeXtra sought people’s opinion and this is what they have to say.
Kubura Musa, an entrepreneur, said a year is enough to court someone before marriage. She said one year is practical enough to allow one evaluate whether the partner is a strong match for the long run.
Kubura said she always worries when young couples brag about their long years of engagement.
“I feel a year is ideal for a relationship. In that one year, the couple should know if they are compatible for one another or not. Prolonging relationships without any serious reason only tells that the couple doesn’t know what they are doing or what they want,” she said.
Hauwa Katung believes between six months to a year of getting to know each other also provides the couple with ample opportunity to have important conversations about their future “but many forget to ask serious questions during that period and concentrate on ‘I love you, I cannot live without you’.”
Hauwa, who is a house wife, said she suffered such because the basic questions about her likes and her future ambition were not discussed and when she got married her husband insisted she will not work which she tried to object to but “he insisted and that’s why I am a housewife.”
She reiterated that a period of six months to a year is enough for couples to be able to know those answers to the deep rooted questions about themselves and their partners, adding that if they choose to ignore them now, they may come up later when it might be too late.
Umar Shehu, a student, says it depends on how the level of communication with the significant other progresses. He explained the time should be measured based on how well they know one another and not based on how long.
“Some are not comfortable giving out confidential details about themselves until they have studied that person and his character over a certain time. You know how deceptive people are and when you now bare your heart out to them and at the end of the day the person says they are not doing, that would be hurtful,” he said.
“So, I think as long as you feel ready and comfortable with the person, if it takes you two years, or three months to do that I think it is fine,” he added.