How domestic violence begets itself

Domestic violence knows no socio-economic, racial or religious boundaries. Domestic violence occurs across society, regardless of age, gender, race, sexuality or wealth.

Women are mostly the victims of domestic violence which takes place in the homes. Mrs Ajoke Akinolu is a victim of domestic violence. She said she is not only concerned about herself but her kids also. “Violence is not just a one-party thing, it also affects the children. It affects them psychologically as they equally grow up to carry out such acts that they have seen in their growing years. I thought I could endure and even curtail my husband’s excesses but I had to make a decision that affected our lives by quitting the marriage. That was something I had to do to avert any terrible situation that might occur in future, because the rate at which he was going it will reach a stage that I might want to react in a negative way, which might be drastic.”

Domestic violence creates fear in the children, who are humiliated and become less attentive to parenting and eventually are neglected. Most women who face domestic violence often keep it to themselves. They are ashamed and embarrassed by the act. They are not sure of where to turn to or go and what help they can get. They become fearful of doing anything which would aggravate the already tensed situation in the home.

According to the human rights group Amnesty International, at least one woman dies in the hands of their husbands or partner every hour resulting from domestic violence. The home is where we are supposed to feel safe and loved, protected and restored after a hard day’s job but for many, the home is not safe. We have heard stories of men who leave for work very early in the morning when there is no need to do so and also return very late even when they close from work earlier, simply because there is an ever nagging wife ever waiting to make an already stressful day more stressful. And at the end it results to a fight, leaving the wife badly battered.

Instead, the home has become a dangerous place where mental, physical or sexual suffering occurs, often on a regular basis. “I have learned to tolerate whatever he does for the sake of my children, for even if I decide to leave where do I go to without my children? My children will suffer without me, so it is better for me to stay with them and see them through in life, if this is what I have to face for the sake of my children, so shall it be. I believe that all this is a passing face in life,” Eno John, explains in tears.

Domestic violence is one of the major social problems in our society today. Unhealthy behaviors can begin early in a relationship and last a life time. Domestic violence can cause a wide range of physical and emotional injuries and even death.

Domestic violence victims are mostly women. There is nothing new about wife battering. It has always happened everywhere, women have been subjected to the whims and brutality of their husbands and it keeps getting worse.  Homes embroiled in domestic violence tend to bury deep the idea of violence in their kids. These kids then have it at the back of their minds that violence is the best way to resolve any aggrieved situation. These children are very likely to become abusers themselves and most times display criminal tendencies.

How do we now curb this menace of abusive husbands assaulting their wives? Members of the society and concerned media have a crucial role to play in dealing with the violence in the home. But before then parents should and must device mechanisms for resolving any kind of conflict no matter how thorny it may be without recourse to violence no matter how negligible it might be.

  We must handle conflicts faced in the home in a peaceful and mature way. Let there be zero tolerance for abuse and violence against women. “There is no excuse for domestic violence”, if we all stand by these words which did not say woman or man, the future will be much brighter for all in the family and as a result the whole society.

Children depend on their parents to have a safe, stable and predictable environment for them. A situation where there is a battering relationship between the parents; attention is taken away from the children’s needs and focused on the violence.

Families need to maintain an open line of communications between all members of the family, where everyone is allowed to express oneself, this could be very helpful in resolving misunderstandings.

Dialoguing is also very important for couple; they should iron out their differences amicably in a give and take manner. And in doing so it should not be construed to mean weakness or be abused by either of the party. It is very important to note that violence is a bad wind that blows no good to anyone. At least no one wants his/her child asking “mummy will daddy beat you today when he comes back home?” as Eno’s child ask whenever he sees his mother in a sober mood.