How do you handle disappointments?

Unhappy news and disappointments form part of our daily lives. But how best do you handle disappointments when you are faced with them?

Disappointment is a tricky emotion to deal with because with each passing day, we are faced with new situations to be disappointed over.

The adage ‘when it rains it pours’ means that disappointing times could sometimes be serial. But then when they do, how do we handle them?

LifeXtra went to town and people shared their experiences.

Edor Jonathan, a Jos-based engineer, said he usually stays indoors for a few days as that serves like a healing therapy for him.

“I am an emotional person so whenever I am disappointed either with something or someone, I stay away from people or I don’t do certain activities for a few days. It helps me to get better and get over it. Also, it helps me to avoid being rude to people who may want to speak to me at that time,” he added.

Lami Jonathan, a mother of two, handles it differently. She said “I am an expressive person. So, if I feel disappointed, it makes me cry but rather than cry, I just put it into writing. That way, it helps me to get rid of whatever hurt I am feeling at the moment.”

Also speaking to LifeXtra, Ikechukwu Charles, an Abuja-based hospitality consultant, said he would totally avoid the person who caused the disappointment.

“I would avoid that person like the plague, especially if it comes from the person you least expected it from. Sometimes disappointments come from people you least expect.”

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” said Trust Ibeh, a student.

When asked what she meant, she said “I’ll feel hurt because someone disappointed me. The pain could last a day, a week or even more but then I know that by the time I come out of it, I’ll be stronger and ready to face any form of challenge.”

She added “But as for the person, I’ll keep my distance to avoid a repeat of what he/she did.”

LifeXtra then sought to know if she would forgive the person, and she said “Yes, but then we will never be friends again.”

Umar Futee, an Abuja-based economist, says “when I am disappointed, the feelings I get are just too complex because I feel so many emotions like anger, hurt, sadness and it drains me at times,” he said.

“But lately, I have learnt to handle such situation by identifying the cause of the disappointment and if I can rectify it, I try to but if not, then I let it be,” he added

Shirley Martin, a Kado Estate resident, said there are times when she is disappointed and the emotions leave her at a loose end.

“I might not be sure whether to feel angry, or just impatiently wish that I would hurry up and get over it. It makes me judge other decisions irrationally, so most times I just decide to let that chapter glide away by shutting down all memories of it and moving on with other things,” she said.

But Jibril Shittu, a postgraduate student in the United States, says he lets himself make sense of the emotions he is feeling and try to identify what it is he is feeling.

“Sometimes, its anger, and other times I feel ashamed I have been disappointed. So, I let it out. I let myself experience the feeling. Most times, especially in our kind of society, we are not very good at allowing ourselves experience the emotions in full without trying to speed up the process,” he said.

“So for me, I allow myself to feel and make sense of what I am feeling without any agenda of speeding up the process. Once I have come to terms with what it is I am feeling, I can now know how best to handle or address it, that is if it something worth addressing,” he said.

Kubura Sani, a student, said she once experienced rejection from someone she thought she would marry only to hear he has fixed a marriage date with someone else.

“I was so bitter and angry that when he came over to apologize for leading me on, when he knew he wasn’t going to be with me, I insulted and embarrassed him.”

“It was so painful; I felt used and betrayed and I was hurt for so long. It took me several weeks to move on. I have not forgiven him even after several attempts by him to reconcile,” she said.

In an article titled ‘5 Steps to Deal With Disappointment in Life’, Celestine Chua wrote “Whenever you experience disappointment, you are pulled down to a lower state of consciousness, where your thoughts are predominantly rooted in fear, sadness, grief, or apathy.”

He added “There may be times when the feeling of disappointment is so overwhelming that it feels like the end of the world.”

An article ‘Put your problems in perspective’ published in WikiHow added “Talk to a rational, calm, sympathetic friend or relative about your situation – preferably someone older who has had plenty of setbacks and can offer some more insight.  Then writing your feelings and thoughts down can help express frustration, anger, fear, and other negative feelings, too.